My Immortal  A Story for Da Real Goffs Commented
by FallenHero93
Summary: The epic saga of blood, lust and betrayal, now with a commentary from me! Enjoy this story in all its splendour. Rated T for Trauma and Torture of the English language, common sense, canon etc.
1. Chapter 1

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik **(Here it goes!) **2 my gf (ew not in that way) **Ur a homophone! (geddit) **raven, bloodytearz666 **(Sounds promising)** 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling (**Did a great job, as you can see…**). U rok! **(Rocks! I loved them. I even used to collect them!) **Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX!

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **(Hello there, my name is Amelle Isabella Rose Britney Timberlake – Ebony's evil prep clone) **and I have long ebony black hair **(damn, I have ebony pink hair...lucky goffs!) **(that's how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips **(Feel the rainbow, taste the rainbow!) **that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes **(now I really am envious. I love blue eyes!) **like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee **(Poor Amy! I actually like her music, by the way) **(AN **(amino-nitrile, geddit cuz I'm a chemistry geek)**: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). **(Ah, too bad, I already know…I'm stuck forever!)** I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was **(O RLY?) **because he's a major fucking hottie. **(nice language for a fanfic!)** I'm a vampire **(I hate vampires) **but my teeth are straight and white **(I thought they'd be bent and purple, my bad)**. I have pale white skin **(Captain Obvious strikes again)**. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen). **(This sentence sounded almost okay…except for "England". I didn't realise until recently that Hogwarts is in Scotland – we call the whole country England here.)** I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **(glad you informed me!) **and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic **(*cough*prep*cough*) **and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today **(Oh, no, I remember this part! Go away before it's too late!) **I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. **(Meh, so you did read it. I warned you not to!) **I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun **(You know your geography, Ebony!)**, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. **(Why did they? I have no idea) **I put up my middle finger at them. **(Nice attitude. Solves all the problems)**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. **(I thought only people could shout. Ah, wait, this is Ebonyland, not Earth. My mistake!) **I looked up. It was... **(Ron in a Ford Anglia?) **Draco Malfoy! **(Close enough.)**

"What's up Draco?" I asked. **(What's up Doc? / Shh...I'm hunting a wabbit! Looney Tunes FTW! Now back to the epic fai-story, I mean.)**

"Nothing." he said shyly. **(Think it was "slyly". Would...umh...suit Draco better, don't ya think?)**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **(That's some intelligent conversation)**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **(You know...this "chapta" is actually a masterpiece compared to the next ones...)**


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Fangz **(Basilisk fangs?) **2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! **(*facepalm*) **BTW **(OMGWTFBBQ) **preps stop flaming ma story ok! **(If you had written a proper story people wouldn't have flamed you in the first place, so…NEVER!)**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. It was snowing and raining again. **(Hogwarts weather is sooo predictable) **I opened the door of my coffin **(o.O) **and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **(Kids nowadays…)** My coffin was black ebony **(why is it ebony? I wonder…) **and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. **(Oh, here it goes again. Get ready!) **I got out of my coffin and took of **(of what?) **my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on **(aaargh!) **a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **(Such a friendly outfit! Those uniforms were too plain anyways)**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) **(author's notes in the middle of the story…yeah right. Oh, perhaps it's amino-nitrile as I said before!) **woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven **(Ebony has an ebony coffin, Raven has raven hair…So suggestive!)** black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes.**(She opened her eyes…after waking up and flipping her hair? Whoa.)** She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) ***sigh***

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly. ***cough*PREP*cough* By the way, was she ****"talking"? As far as I remember, she only said about three words last time!**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall. **(This sentence is incredibly well spelled)**

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **(No need to yell, kid!)**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me. **(DUN DUN DUN DUN!)**

"Hi." he said. **("F... off", I replied and I never saw him again. The end.)**

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **(You obviously don't like him)**

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked. **("I'm gonna kill you!" he said and then he Avada Kedavra'd me. The end.)**

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **(That didn't work out either? Meh...)**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" **(I really hate this insult) **I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **(Yours or Ebony's? Ah, wait, same person!)**

"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped. **(Me too...)**


	3. Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! **(As I said before, NEVER!) **odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! **(I think those were mercy "reveiws"...)** FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW **(should've written BMW) **I don't own dis **(You don't own …your own story? Although I have to agree, I wouldn't want to own it if I were the author) **or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

On the night of the concert I put on **(Hold me!) **my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff **(stuff, what an explicit word!) **on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. **(You're going fishing on Hogwarts Lake? Good, the giant squid might just eat you!) **I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky **(so why did you straighten it in the first place?)**. I felt a little depressed then **(why? You're going to a concert of your favourite band!)**, so I slit one of my wrists. I read a depressing book **(which will help you a lot) **while I waited for it to stop bleeding **(what ? The book? Is this Voldy's diary?) **and I listened to some GC **(How? There's no muggle technology in Hogwarts. Ah, but there is some in Ebonyland. My mistake)**. I painted my nails black and put on TONS **(nice emphasis) **of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. **(just drench yourself in some black dye, you'll get the same effect)** I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. **(Vampire kids always have an appetizer before concerts!)**

I went outside. Draco was waiting there **(Still can't picture him in this story!) **in front of his flying car **(That's Ron's car! I have forseen this! Someone call Wizarding Justice!)**. He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt **(Muggles and Draco...like Harry and Rita Skeeter, or me and anatomy) **(they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner **(Y u no tell us what colour the eyeliner is?)**(AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **(CN (commenter's note, not Chuck Norris): A lot fo kdnrgarten kdz spll b3tta thn u do!) **

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **(With an exclamation mark. Yeah, right.)**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black **(Invasion of black!) **Mercedes-Benz **(FORD ANGLIA!) **(the license plate said 666) **(uh...) **and flew to the place with the concert. **(Isn't that supposed to be Hogsmeade?)** On the way we listened excitedly **(You were depressed a few moments ago. Bipolar much?) **to Good Charlotte **(that's the second time you spell the name of your favourite band wrong!) **and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. **(Bad, bad habits, Ebony! Don't do as they do, kids!)** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car **(and crashed!)**. We **(both) **went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and **(both) **jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. **(Nah, they're still alive...)**

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood  
>They're all so happy you've arrived<br>The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom  
>She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song).<p>

"Joel is so fucking hot." **(Good thing to say to your boyfriend) **I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club **(What club?)** with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad. **(He took the depression from you!)**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **(Smart Ebony is smart)**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively **(*facepalm* then *headdesk*) **and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." **(Again, nice language!)** I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **(I'm pretty sure you wouldn't hate her half as much if she wasn't going with...whatever his name is)**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back **(I imagine you crawled...after all, you did smoke some bad stuff before that) **into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into… the Forbidden Forest!

**Up next – one of my favourite chapters! Stay tuned!**


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I sed stup flaming **(And I sed stup wrting so bad!) **ok ebony's name is ENOBY **(„****ebony****'s name is ****ENOBY****" – There's just…too much epicness in this sentence!) **nut mary su **(Nice to meet you, ENOBY nut mary su!) **OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **(Somewhere, right now, a Grammar Nazi is dying in pain)**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **(yeah, I'm asking myself the same thing! Draco, why aren't you in Hogwarts, hating Muggles or destroying Harry's plans? Why? *sobs*)**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. **(And died?) **I walked out of it too, curiously. **(And died as well?)**

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily. **(Nope. Bad luck's following me.)**

"Ebony?" he asked. **(Amazing dialog – answering with a question to a question.)**

"What?" I snapped.

Draco leaned in extra-close **(is he Edward Cullen?) **and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) **(oh, I thought he was wearing black and white contacts…Lol, that'd be hilarious!)** which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **(Remember, girls, evilness in boyfriend's eyes = forgiveness)**

And then… suddenly just as I **(as I what?) **Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me **(although I was standing) **and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **(again, how do you do that while he's on top of you?)** He took of(**f)** my top and I took of(**f)** his clothes **(But your clothes are still on?). **I even took of(**f)** my bra. **(What an achievement!)** Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **(EPIC)**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. **(Bad mental image!)** And then….

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **(I'm tired of these motherf… students in this motherf… forest! Samuel L. Jackson FTW!)**

It was….Dumbledore! **(The worst part is, I can actually imagine Dumbledore saying that)**

**Next, another of my favourite chapters! ****Bye-bye, fellow goffs!**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5.

AN: STOP flaming! **(START writing decent fanfics!) **if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! **(Or a reviewer with a positive IQ) **Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok **(nope, not ok at all) **an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx **(So you're aware that doing it in the Forest or anywhere near Hogwarts is not good, aren't you?)**! PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **(You'll get five good "revoiws" when I'll marry Jun Matsumoto. Seriously, that guy's major f... hottie – oh, wait...I've read too much of My Immortal, haven't I?)**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily. **(I hoped he'd shout at you happily! Thumbs up for happy Dumbledore!)**

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **(So much WIN!)**

I started to cry tears of blood **(even though you don't have any, since you're a vampire) **down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall **(I have no idea what's she doing here. I think Tara felt the need for two teachers and wrote down the first two names she remembered) **who were both looking very angry. **(I have no idea why)**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" **(I love this! Mediocre dunces!)** asked Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. **(the Shrieking Shack!)** "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **(o.O So the first one to regain his composure is...Snape? What have you done to MY favourite character, Tara? Oh, and on a sidenote - what teachers let the kids go away with doing it on the school grounds?)**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. **(?)**

"Yeah I guess." I lied. **(*insert I Lied Guy face*) **I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair **(right now, I have this mental image of Ebony/Enoby/Nut Mary Su brushing her hair with a toothbrush) **and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. When I came out….

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom **(Yet another proof that he's actually Edward! You stalker!)**, and he started to sing 'I just wanna live' by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. **(And no thingie-in-you-know-what? You disappoint me!)** After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: shjt up prepz ok! **(I'm "nut" a prep, so sorry, I'm not "shjtting up"!) **PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **(She somehow keeps updating though…)**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on **(Take the kids away from the screen!) **a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. **(So surprising! Another day, another outfit!)** I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple.

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. **(that's like eating cereal with milk while drinking a glass of milk) **Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. **(Boys, remember, as long as you're handsome, you're forgiven everything!) **He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face **("I was going down his face" – VERY bad mental image!) **and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. **(and he wasn't normal anymore) **He had a manly stubble on his chin. He had a sexy English accent **(I think the English have English accents. Not sure about it though)**. He looked exactly like Joel Madden. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **(You were the one who thought about it in the first place)**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned. **(No swear words in this sentence? Now that's what I call progress.)**

"My name's **(OH NOES!) **Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. **(*Darth Vader voice* Nnnnoooooooooo!)**

"Why?" I exclaimed. **(Make a wild guess.)**

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered. **(Gotta love these reporting verbs!)**

"Yeah." I roared. **(Believe it or not, I was just thinking of this line! I imagine a lion roaring in the background...)**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him. **(And left Har...Vampire all alone? You...you ludacris fool!)**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life **(She's ruining one of my favourite rock songs!)**

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. **(5 "reviuws" from God? Must be a pretty important fanfic then! So let's keep reading!) **n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons **(From what I know, "tin" is a chemical element. No idea what a "von" is though)**! STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! **(Keep writing like this and we'll report you! Ah, wait, this has already been removed from the site...) **Evony isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect **(Show me a paragraph where she has a single fault.) **SHES A SATANITS! **(That doesn't seem to be a defect in Ebonyland, though) **n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake! **(Again. that's pretty common in Ebonyland – those who ****aren't**** depressed are seen as "preps".)**

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings **(what's a "sing"?) **on my nails in red nail polish **(wasn't it black seconds ago? Don't tell me she's a Metamorphagus!) **(AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). **(Maru the cat! Oh, and the answer is yes.) **I waved to Vampire. **(Spread the love!) **Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. **(So poetic...Shelley would be proud of you!) **I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. **(No shit, Sherlock!)** Anyway, **(I love it when sentences begin with this word)** I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. **(totally ignoring Har...Vampire)** We went into his room and locked the door. **(without anyone noticing?)** Then…**(He took out his wand and Crucio'd you to death?)**

We started frenching passively **(voulez-vouz coucher avec moi, ce soir?)** and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up **(Pervert Draco!) **before I took of **(of what? The mystery is killing me!) **my top. Then I took off **(did I just see "off" spelled properly, with two fs? This must be an alternate universe!) **my black leather bra and he took off his pants. **(You already took off "eechodder"'s clothes moments ago...Somebody's got memory problems) **We went on the bed and started **(cover your eyes!)** making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine **(Oh, that's progress. No more thingy-in-you-know-what. Now there's a boy's-thingy-in...wait a minute. "Mine"? Enoby's got a boy's thingy? And if so, how can you put one into...Nevermind) **and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **(Way beyond stupid.)**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic **(probably, if something isn't red/black/gothic/depressing, it doesn't belong in the story) **writing were the words… Vampire! **(It's just ONE word.)**

I was so angry. **(So am I while reading this fanfic, but nobody cares)**

"You bastard!" I shouted **(thought she'd say "shooted") **angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" **(*Snape voice* Ob...viously.) **Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **(If Draco has two AIDs and puts his boy's thingy in Ebony's you-know-what at 3 pm...when will she realise she also has "AIDs"?)**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. **(He wasn't as prudent as you were, darling) **He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. **(so why did you even mention it?)** I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled. **(Awesome entrance is awesome.)**


	8. Chapter 8

AN: stop flassing ok! **(The doctor tells me to keep flossing, so I have to listen to him! Sorry Enoby!) **if u do den u r a prep! **(I don't care. On a sidenote, I think that at this pace, she'll be writing sentences with only one-letter words in no time)**

Everyone in the class stared at me **(what's with all those people? They keep staring at Ebony/Enoby for no reason.)** and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked **(O.O) **and started begging me to take him back.

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. **(I still can't picture a classroom with a yelling Enoby, a naked Draco and Snape staring at them...)**

My friend B'loody Mary **(That's a Lady Gaga song I love! This means war!)** Smith smiled at me understatedly.**("I know how you feel. My boyfriend kept coming naked in McGonagall's class after me, too!")** She flipped her long waste **(waste of electronic paper = this story)**-length gothic black hair **(how can you have gothic hair?) **and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on.**(deja-vu, anyone?)** She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on.**(what's with all that white stuff? Really, she wants to become transparent or what?)** Hermione **(No way!) **was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. ***sobs* (so much tragedy!) **(Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ) ***facepalm***

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" **(Go Snape! Show 'em!) **Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him. **(not a good thing to do!)**

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. **(Isn't it...uhm...the other way round?)**

Everyone gasped. **(No way!)**

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. **(Who, why, how, wha - Whoa, wait a minute. Who is this?) **I had went **(had GONE. geddit, it's grammar) **out with Vampire **(Turns out to be Draco) **(I'm bi and so is Ebony) **(how come I've never seen Ebony with a girl though?)** for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems **(I never thought problems were horrible. Thanks for clearing this up!)**, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) **(Is that...Vampire's POV? Mindblowing.)**

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room **(without Snape doing or saying anything or punishing anyone) **and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility **(EPIC) **to Draco and then I started to bust into tears. **(Wow, so...unexpected! I love these plot twists!)**


	9. Chapter 9

AN: stop flaming ok!

**Me: Guess what. **

**Tara: What? **

**Me: Never!**

**Now back to the story.**

I dntn red all da boox! **(I'm pretty sure you didn't read anything.) **dis is frum da movie **(which, again, is/are based on the books) **ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! **(O RLY?)** besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE! **(whoa, what's with all those caps?) **and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! **(How do you know? Whatever…) **MCR ROX!

I was so mad and sad. **(And my life was bad/They always wanted to take whatever that I had – Wow, I should pursue a career in rapping!)** I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. **(*sigh* Dear Ebony, Draco has been with Vampire BEFORE you were with him. So he hasn't cheated on you. Sincerely, Logic.)** I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **(Tears of blood?)**

Then all of a suddenly, **(sudden!) **an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything **(everything? wow.) **started flying towards me on a broomstick! **(while you just stayed there and watched)** He didn't have a nose **(a horrible man with no nose who didn't have a nose…Would've never guessed!) **(basically like Voldemort in the movie) **(Who could it be? The suspense is killing me! So…so many people who look like Voldy in the movies!) **and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic.**(So…preps also dress in black? Posers!)** It was… **(Just tell me once! I'm dying in here!) **Voldemort! **(Damn, I guessed wrong. Thought it would be)**

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted **(And I shouted, and he shouted, and the fanfic readers shouted…Endless cycle) **"Imperius!" **(Imperio!)** and I couldn't run away. **(I like Voldy in this story! Go Voldy!)**

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. **(Aww, poor Voldie. Being scratched to death by Crookshanks must be very painful indeed!)** I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **(To kill or not to kill, that is the question/Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer/The hexes and curses of dark wizards/  
>Or to take arms against a sea of preps – Shakespeare, "Hamlet – Goffik edytionn")<strong>

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. **(Voldemort is threatening you and you're thinking about how hot some guy is?) **I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **(obvious fact is obvious)**

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. **(But Voldemort was too mad after being tortured by the orange cat. "Then I shall kill thee first!" And then he shouted (geddit): "Avada Kedavra!" And I died.)**

Voldemort gave me a gun. **(Gun? She has a wand, Voldie!) **"No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" **(Ah, she'll find comfort in another guy's arms...*cough*Vampire*cough*) (By the way, this Voldy is humorous instead of scary! L-O-L!)**

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way. **(He has...Oh, wait, let's not spoil the surprise!)**

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. **(the same look I have on my face while reading this) **"I hath telekinesis." **(Yep, here's the surprise) **he answered cruelly. **(You're so evil! Bad, bad Voldie!)**"And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" **(You know...what amazes me is that she can't spell "from" but she knows the forms of pronouns in old English!) **he shouted. **(Shout, shout...Hmm...I heard this before. Can't remember where though. Ah, right, throughout the WHOLE story!) **Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods. **(Let's hope you now know what to do)**

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" **(You were so mad and scared a few lines before. You really need lithium. Don't know what it is? Bipolar disorder drug)**

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) **(Note. I see many people didn't "get it". The thing is, the real word is cross, but obviously she said pentagram instead. Now you geddit?) **between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked. **(No, he just enjoys being all depressed, duh!)**

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **(Let me guess. This is Dumbledore's POV and he's expelling Ebony? No? Damn.)**

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **(You did solve the problem fast!)**


	10. Chapter 10

AN: stup it u gay fags **(1. That's a nasty insult 2. It's also a pleonasm. Ah, well, but you can't spell "stop", let alone know what a pleonasm is. By the way, "stup" means beehive in my country.) **if u donot lik **(I'm not "licking" your story) **ma story den fukk off **(I would, but I wanna keep commenting) **! ps it turnz out **(what? Ebony is a prep poser?) **b'loody mary isn't a muggle **(she wasn't a muggle in the first place) **afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y **(Wow. Spelling "why" like "y". I'm speechless) **dey movd houses ok!

I was really scared about Vlodemort **(better as "V'lodemort") **all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals **(Sentence, Y U NO make sense?) **with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. **(as opposed to "Sparkly Prep Butterfly 101". I'm really thinking of writing a prep version of My Immortal)** I am the lead singer of it **(*cough*Mary*cough*Sue*cough***)and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross **(not pentagram?) **between GC, Slipknot and MCR. The other people in the band are B'loody Mary **(the cocktail)**, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we **(the evil goffik guys, perhaps. We, the preps, still call him Ron!) **call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now **(w...what? no way!) **with blue streaks in it.) and Hargrid. **(Thank God, I thought it was Hagrid. Phew!)** Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed **(so unexpected!) **so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists **(and you aren't doing anything about it, like a good girlfriend) **(he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too **( you remembered that? You're progressing) **and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) **(quote from earlier on: "People say that we sound like a cross") **or a steak) **(haha, a STEAK! I love steaks, they're so tasty!) **and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like **(the movie that will be made from this fanfic)** The Corpse Bride. I put on a **(pink! say pink! or any other colour!) **black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut **(now, how did you guess that's what I thought?)**but I'm really not. **(I don't feel the need to comment this.)**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. **(you remembered your ****main**** boyfriend is slitting his wrists?)**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted **(like singing or what?) **voice.

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. **(nothing) **"Well, Voldemort **(who's this? You did say something about a V'lodemort before, though. That's the way I'm spelling it from now on!) **came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! **(This girl swears more that Samuel L. Jackson) **But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears. **(again?)**  
>Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. <strong>(mwahaha! )<strong>

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **(It's a bit improved, but...yep, still OOC)**

I started to cry and cry. **(Double crying FTW! I think I'll also start to flame and flame) **Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. **=)) Too...much...fail...in a single paragraph! "Just cry, baby, cry/** **'Cause every tear that flows falls into the ocean****" – Carlos Santana**

We practiced for one more hour. **(So – your boyfriend ran out crying "all sensitive", but you keep practicing? For an hour?) **Then suddenly Dumbeldore **(yet another evil clone!) **walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery **(Haha, Dumbles is angry!) **and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache. **(I see you have been listening to your flamers lately.)**

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. **(another person who cries? by the way, I think Dumbledore is also bipolar in this. He was angry seconds ago!) **(c dats basically nut swering **(Nut swearing. Man, I had no idea nuts could swear!) **and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) **(j f o p q a b. Geddit?)** "Ebony Draco **(who's Ebony Draco?) **has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **(but...you just said he couldn't die from that! Not to mention vampires don't have blood. Oh, except for the sparkly guy, Edward Cullen)**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11.

AN: i sed **(stop it already!) **stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 **(geddit, cuz i like numbers) **it delz wit rly sris issus! **(like how to put a thingy-in-you-know-what?) **sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me! **(I knew she's not helping you. Looks like she's "hleping" you instead.)**

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! **(My reaction exactly while I'm reading this fanfic) **B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. **(to death) **Dumbledore chased after me shouting **(and stumbled upon his beard!) **but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of **(orange juice?)** blood **(ah!) **and then I slit both **(note the emphasis!) **of my wrists. They **(the wrists?) **got all over my clothes **(Hmm...I think "they" means Draco and Vampire. Just imagine the scene!) **so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. **(damn, this girl is multitasking!)** I grabbed a steakand **(ate it angrily?) **almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide.I was so fucking depressed! **(*gasp* - geddit) **I got out of the bathtub **(well, it didn't last too long) **and put on **(fffff-) **a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on **(-uuuuu)** black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. **(Yeah, neither can I. How can you put so many things on?) **Then I looked out the window and screamed… **(The real Harry Potter was out there and he wasn't goffik and sexah?) **Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! **(He does get hungry sometimes after fighting all those Death Eaters!)**They were sitting on their broomsticks. **(Essential detail.)**

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason **(He****'s a Mason? o.O****) **on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in. **("I'm gonna suck all your blood!" he said angrily.)**

"Abra Kedavra!" **(That's pretty close to the way Avada Kedavra was translated in my language!)** he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. **(Awesome mental image! Vampire...has...a womb! A freaking womb!)** I took my gun and shot Snape **(Wasn't it Snap?) **and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. **(Well, looks like V'lodemort's gun did turn out to be useful!)** Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" **("That's not true! That's impossible! / Search your feelings, you know it to be true!" – Oh wait, wrong universe!) **he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly…

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk. **(Reported speech fail)**

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" **(Little? Compared to his half-brother, perhaps, but otherwise...Oh, wait, this is "Hargrid". Phew! This girl tricked me again into believing Hagrid is a goth!)**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT…." Hargirid **(Hargirid...Hargrid...I'm confused right now! Who are all these guys?) **paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **(Ok, so what's your point?)**

"This cannot be." Snap **(return of the Snap!) **said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him **(and Ebony, and Vampire's womb! That must've been some heavy bleeding...)**. "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **(I think I got the point.)**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. **(WIN! I imagine an elephant's trunk popping out from Lupin's face right now..Ah, sorry. "Loopin"'s face. My bad)** "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook. **(so, what was the meaning of the last 2 paragraphs?)**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint. **(You know what...I'm actually going to use this in one of my stories. Altered a bit, though. Something like this (I wrote this on the spot):**

"_**I had not expected to hear that. It was very good news. I did not know whether to feel happy or to push him off the cliff. After a few moments of debate, I pushed him. I was taught to get rid of the evidence, after all.**_**"**

**The character remembering that is a professional assassin from my Star Wars fanfic. Self-advertising, I know.)**

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, **(*sigh*) **waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing **(Mixing the words in a sentence. Best idea to keep your readers wanting to know more.) **to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **("I'll take you to the goffik shop/I'll let you lick a glass of blood/Keep going till you slit your wrists")**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

"Because I LOVE HER!" **(Imagine Hagrid saying that in a squeaky voice. Awesome!)**


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: To Ahn - Thanks for the review! Oh, no, my brain cells are insanely strong! They must be, or otherwise right now I'd be in a mental hospital and not in front of my computer. And yes, I am going to continue it. You should add it to Story Alert, if you want to.**

Chapter 12.

AN: stop f,aing **(No more apostrophes? You started using commas instead. Nice move!) **ok hargrid is a pedo **(Hagrid is a huge giant with a good soul! You…you prep poser!) **2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz **(which you don't seem to frequent too often) **r lik dat I wunted 2 adres da ishu! **(nice job doing it!) **how du u no snap iant kristian **(common sense) **plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! **(who's back from the dead or what?)**

I was about to slit my wrists **(again?)** again **(How did you know what I was about to say?) **with the silver knife that Drago **(who?) **had given me in case anything happened to him. **(well, something did happen to him…he's trapped in this story!)**He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together. **(I thought you must both go separately. Stupid me)**

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIR(**Caps Lock rage unleashed!**)grid but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! **(I can't imagine Harry saying that…Nope, not at all.) **NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" **(Wasn't it a pentagram or something?) **and then….. **(Dumblydore!) **his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **(*facepalm*)**

I stopped. "How did u know?" **(Mindblowing.)**

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" **(At least that part of Harry is back)**

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. **(Not "shooted"?)**

"I do but **(here comes random and pointless story to explain the change) **Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway **(FFFUUU-) **my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!"

**VolFemort: I have thy Draco bondage! he laughed evilly and meanly.**

**Enoby: BUT WHY? I asked questioningly.**

**VolFemort: I did it for teh lulz! *evil laugh* **

Anyway **(…) **I was in the school nurse's office **(Madam Pomfrey)** now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID **(Hahrid? So many new characters! Easy, girl, I'm barely managing to keep a mental list of who's who!) **were there too. They were going to St. Mango's **(I love mango yoghurt! Oh, and insert facepalm here.)** after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. **(With you being one of them, right?) **Dumbledore had constipated **(Oh God, the epicness!) **the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them. **(random middle finger FTW!)**

Anyway **(…!/*** - damn, now I'm releasing my anger in form of punctuation marks!) **Hargrid **(Good to know he's not that pedophile HAHRID. Phew!) **came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." **("You're a prep poser!" he said evilly) **he said in a v. serious **(not Sirius?) **voice, giving me the roses.

"Fuck off." I told him. **(appropriate response is appropriate…)**"You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. **(you know what? If you don't like the roses, give 'em to me. I love roses!) **Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. (**goffik!)**

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses."

"What, are they goffs **(How can a rose be goff?) **too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. **(Like I'm mentally yelling at Tara for writing this) **"No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video **(Come on, say it! What's with all the abbreviations?) **made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) **(Yeah, not to mention it's all caps!)** to it he added silently. **(He hath telekinesis as well?)**

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly. **(better read as "I yelled all girly")**

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! . **(oH ReALLy?)**

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. **(What's this…I don't even…)**

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." **(Hagrid. Singing. Not sure if epic fail or epic win!) **Then he screamed. **(epic fail. Problem solved) **"Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!) **(what do MCR and Raven have to do with Harry Potter? But, again, what does anything in here have to do with HP? Dunno) **imo noto okayo!" **(neithero amo io cuzo imo readingo thiso storyo)**

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. **(A black flame that is black? Wow. I'm just staring at my screen right now.) **Now I knew he wasn't a prep. **(Goth Genuinity Foolproof Test – Sold and distributed by Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way)**

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" **(Yeah right. WTF is Drako and what has he done with the real Draco?)**

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing. **(except for the flames, I guess)**

"U c, Enobby," **(Dobby!) **Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching **(Y U NO USE SYNONYMS?) **the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes **(translation: gsgfsyhriuwbcerthp) **(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) **(*facepalm*) **u mst find urslf 1st, k?"

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. **(yeah, so do I at this point, seeing your terrible grammar) **I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. **(That's to show the mean prep readers that she understood what they said about Dumbles swearing)**

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!"

Anyway **(ffff- … Okay, relax, just breathe…) **when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. **(Why is she even describing this? I mean, her clothes all look the same to me.) **I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) **(Shame on me, I seem to be a prep!) **and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit) you do too." **(Dark misery was in your depressed spelling) **I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists **(now that's progress!) **feeling totally depressed **(would've never guessed!) **and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom **(does this girl have any more tears left from all that crying?) **and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes. **(went to some classes, did some things, drank some blood…usual stuff) **Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. **(the epicness cannot be described in words!) **He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. **(who was hanging from his neck…whoa, bad mental image!)**

"Hi." he said in a depressed **(Kill me now. A steak, quick! Either it'll kill me or I'll have a nice dinner tonight.) **way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way.

We both looked at each other for some time. **(stare of death) **Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. **(I honestly hope "screw" here is related to "screwdriver")**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" **(matches them perfectly!) **shouted Professor McGoggle **(Old McGoggle had a farm, EE-I-EE-I-O) **who was watching us and so was everyone else. **(Snap and Loopin must be there as well, masticating on their brooms! Bad luck, Enoby!)**

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. **(You tried to screw each other) **You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. **(I've seen this before, but where? In my worst grammar nightmare?)**"OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **(Ah, no. I'm such a horny simpleton. It was right here in da chapta!)**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!"

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111 **(Sorry to say this, but you're the author. So YOU're supposed to write this)**

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I **(Message terminated. You have exceeded the grammar, spelling and common sense limit.)**


	13. Chapter 13

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen **(really?) **im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard **(TARA, Y U NO GIVE MY BACK MY POSTER?)**but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! **(Sex bomb, Sex bomb, you're a sex bomb, you can give it to me when I need to come along!) **PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG! **(N…Never!)**

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there. **(Ohh, let's see what he says. The suspense is killing me!)**

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily. **(You tell'em, Dumbles!)**

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time. **(Damn, you're synchronised!)**

He laughed in an evil voice. **(Evil Dumbledore? Nooo! I trusted you, Dumbles!)**

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged.

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. **(The real Dumbledore would want to save even Bellatrix if she were his student.. Oh, by the way. where's Bella in this story? Would've made a really nice adition to the goffik sadist background.) **Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony." **(translated to: Ebony's the best, f… the rest) **he said while he frowned looking at me. "Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away. **(like a boss) **Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!) **(You just called your flamers gay fags. You, dearest, are bipolar. Ask for some lithium, geddit cuz it's also an "evanezenz" song)**

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of **(water, like normal people?) **blood. **(damn! so close.) **Then he had a brainstorm. **(oh, for the sake of humanity...) **"I had an idea!" he exclaimed. **("But it's gone now!" he said and then, since there was nothing else we could do, we went in his room so we could screw. – Nah, too many well spelled words)**

"What?" I asked him. **(angrily, probably)**

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then... suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair! **(You mediocre dunce! How can it be that simple? Oh, forget it)**

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra" **(*mega facepalm*)**  
>It was... Voldemort! <strong>(But...where's Voldemprt? I'm so confused!)<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update **(we didn't lose anything…) **but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists.**(See, kids? Slitting wrists is bad! So don't follow Ebony or Tara's example!)** PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws! **(God has more important things than giving you a "revoiw")**

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. **(That's one of my favourite lines in this whole thing! Come to think of it, this whole chapta is xtremly scray, the grammar and spelling are torturing me!)**

We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. **(Obviously, that's supposed to be Volcemort's lair, not Voldemort's! Duh!) **Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. **(Let me look something up...Yep, here it is: **_**"**__**plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok!**__**"**_** I just caught a little liar!) **Draco was there crying tears of **(oh, the humanity!) **blood. Snaketail was torturing him. **(go, Snaketail! perhaps you'd make the real Draco resurface!) **Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.**(like the stupid teenagers you are)**

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" **(what an insult! they'll feel offended to death!) **he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he **(he...what? You know what? I think she's doing it intentionally since she knows I'm a prep!) **Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "." he said. **(I think most of the dialogue in My Immortal can be summed up like this, by a dot...) **(in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok) **(random age change to make things okay which in fact screws them up even more)**

"Huh?" I asked. **(yeah, my reaction exactly)**  
>"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" asked Snaketail. <strong>(*double headdesk*) <strong>I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up **(like this story) **you fucking bastard." **(As I said, this girl swears more than good ol' Samuel L. Jackson!) **I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain. **(What a mental image...)**

"Nooooooooooooo!" he screamed. He started screaming **(again?) **and running around. Then he fell down and died. **(*poof!*) **I brust into tears sadly. **(you realised you just killed someone, you despicable snob!)**

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" **(Oh, so that's where our little Shakespeare had been hiding all that time!) **called Voldemort. Then... he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. **(HIGH HEELS! *knocks fist on desk* So...funny..."Sit back down where you belong, in the corner of my bar with your high heels on" – random Lady Gaga lyrics!) **So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. **(making J.K. Rowling writhe in pain) **We went to my room. Vampire went away. **(be smart and run away while you can!) **There I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. **(These kids do it like rabbits, damn!) **He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what **(it's his manor, isn't it? You have to admit, it is huge! Now I see why Ebony likes it so much!) **and everything. **(Everything? Does he have my English homework as well? That's good to know, I can borrow it from him!)**

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. **(Why can this terrible thing get 10000 revoiws and my fanfic 1 or 2? No, not this one, I'm referring to another one.) **"Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls **(You are ugly and plain, Ebony. All that make-up doesn't come easy! Your wish is fulfilled!) **and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything."

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." **(and Ebony's an angel of chastity) **answered Draco.

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! **(I'm not!) **Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. **(Caught the liar again.) **Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! **(Ah, well, he's kind of dead now) **I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing **(I'm not worried about that...there are many more other things in this story that make me so) **but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! **(Like frenching, screwing and crying tearz of blood? Man, you're such a polymath that Leonardo da Vinci would be envious! But he was just a prep anyways.) **WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: If you like this one, you should also read "My Immortal – Prep Version". You can find it here: .net/s/7441283/1/bMy_b_bImmortal_b_bPrep_b_bVersion_b**

**Fangz 2 all goffik ppl who will red it!**

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! **(you're doing that anyways) **fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!" **(No, please, real Draco, come back!)**

But I was too mad.

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" **(he'd be better off that way than with you) **I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. **(geddit, cuz you're goffik?) **It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy **(I think he looks scary) **in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. **(you've just broken up with him, but you still remember how sexy he is…) **I started to cry and weep. **(and I started to laugh and smile) **I took a razor and started to **(shave?) **slit my wrists. **(close enough!) **I drank the blood all depressed. Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class. **(which you don't have…ah, that's Ebonyland, not Hogwarts!)**

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out. **(I just kinda skipped that) **Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. **(how did you know it was "as usual"? You're so smart!) **I did sum advanced Biology work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. **(which is transfiguration...but wait? why do I even bother?) **Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco! **(Yay! Human transfiguration FTW!)**

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. **(meh...) **Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I **(haven't changed...) **just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." Then…. he started to sing **("Baby" by Justin Bieber)** "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! **(And then Dumbles came in angrily and kicked the mediocre dunces out of the school! No? What a shame!) **His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross **(not pentagram? Just asking) **between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. **no I don't **if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) .

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. **(I have a dirty mental image after having read this...) **Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish **(which is not surprising at all) **and were entwined with Draco's now) at them. "I love you!" I said **(So, boys, whenever you argue with your girlfriend, just sing a random song she likes and everything will be forgotten! And you can also come back to the thingy-in-you-know-what part!) **and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) and CMM in a Cinderella Story. **(so you watched a movie with the celeb you hate? Not to mention A Cinderella Story isn't goffick at all!) **Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. **(here it goes again...*sigh*) **We looked at each other all shocked and then we went 2gether.


	16. Chapter 16

AN: u no wut! **(Nope, I don't no wut) **sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! **(Prove to me you can spell! which you can't.) **raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet **(damn, Icelandic words!) **ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW **(should've written BMW, lol...) **fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese! **(…you'd better brush up on your English first)**

We ran happily **(not sadly? what alternate universe is this?) **to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. **(and crashed into the stage?) **MCR were there playing 'Helena'. **(don't they ever play any other songs?) **I was so fucking happy! **(again, what world is this?) **Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. **(So it's ok if he's turned on by other guys? Oh, wait, why do I even bother…) **I was wearing a **(kill me now!) **black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. We frenched. **(Omelette du fromage!) **We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. **(Ob...viously.) **It was.,... Volsemort and da Death Dealers! **(That's actually a good name! The Death Dealers – Spreading Death Across The World!)**

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" **(Whoa, wait a second. Aren't they at a concert right now? o.O) **I shouted angrily. **(Oh, back to the angry mood)** "Not after what happened to me last time? **(What happened? Oh, now you enjoy torturing me because I'm a prep, don't you?) **Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them" **(Licking MCR - Newest Goffick Hobby)**

"What cause we...you know..." he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what. **(You'd be surprised)**

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice. **(What an epic sentence! So full of meanings and artistic imagery!)**

"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT." **(Because everyone understands the need to protect the mighty Ebony!)**

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina **(Aguilera! No, I got the idea, she meant Christian) **or what now?"

"NO." he muttered loudly. **(She should've said "roared". Honestly, I'd pay to see Draco roar!)**

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily. **(He said no, she doesn't trust him so she asks him again!)**

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing **(ah, the key to all problems, besides slitting wrists) **'Da world is black' by GC to me. **(I can't believe I'm witnessing this! Draco begging some random goffik girl! Pain...so much pain...The real Draco'd kill himself if he read this!)**

I was flattened cause **(an elephant fell on you and made you flat?) **that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me!

"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched 4 a while **(voulez-vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?) **and I went up 2 my room.

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. **(and so do I! Well, at a basic level though) **dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese). **(true, too bad it doesn't work in the context!) **"BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." **(Ebony's next!) **(an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!) **(you'll be begging her in the following chaptas)**

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily. **(*imagines Mandark laughing* If you don't know who he is, get outta here, posers!)**

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. **(nothing new under the sun) **We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. "Maybe Willow will die too." I said.

"Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. **(how do you do that?) **"Oh yeah o have a confession **("I'm a poser, and we're in a terrible fanfiction!") **after she got expuld I murdered her **(so she did die) **and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." **(I don't quite like Lupin, but this is mortifying!)**

"Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence **(you two have telekinesis as well or what?) **for da rest uv da movie.

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA." **(Totally un-preppy choice of words)**

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. **(Spelling, Y U SO FUNNY?) **"Omfg totally lets go shopping."

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial **(Reminds me of a Star Wars planet named Bpfasssh or something. They must've gotten the idea from My Immortal!) **Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

"No." My head snaped up.

"WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?" **(What's with all the hate towards preps?)**

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. **("That's not true! That's impossible!" geddit, yet another SW reference)**"I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!). Or me. **(So you think it was possible that you told her, but when you heard she was going there you instantly called her a prep!)**

"Dumblydore." She sed. "Let me just call our broms."

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly.

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. **(yet another quick explanation made on the spur of the moment) **"Come on let's go."

We were going in a few punkgoff **(Hufflepuff!) **stores SPECIALLY **(note the emphasis!)**for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD **(How much hotter? 20, 30 degrees?) **EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE **(I'm dying of laughter in here!) **and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs."

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! **(yeah, how dare they exist!) **Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." **(hmm...well, at least Snap and Loopin are friends in this!) **He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera." **(Why should he even know? He's a salesman in a Hogsmeade store.)**

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.

"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said.

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary.

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. **(I'm going to Hogsmeade right away! Free clothes FTW!) **Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked. **(The store is only for the concert, remember? So anybody who's buying from there is pretty likely to go)**

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA way what's yours?"** (Notice any changes? Yep, now it's Ebondy, not Ebony!)**

"Tom Rid." **(geddit, he wants to get rid of you) **He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" **(you didn't seem to have a problem with multiple boyfriends before!) **I yelled angrily, but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!" **(What a mental image! Oh God...Hagrid saying OMFG while flying on a broom...)**


	17. Chapter 17

AN: I sed stup **(the beehive again!) **flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. **(can't believe I actually understood the whole thing…)** if ur not den u rok.**(if yes den u stone)** if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! **(What are you trying to do, prove that you can spell F and O?) **pz willo isn't rely a prep. **(lame attempt to persuade Raven to keep hleping you) **Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr! **(Of Gerard the sexbom?)**

Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. **(Introduce me to him! If u dont den ur a posr!)** He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted **(I'll help, but let me see if I want first) **koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. **(That's why he's wearing high heels as V'lodemort, right?) **(hes bisezual). **(Oh, Voldie, so that's the secret you'd been hiding for all this time?) **Hargird kept shooting at us to cum **(oh, the spelling...) **back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. **(Ebony likes ignoring people) **"Fuck off you fjucking **(I see Tara has a weird fetish for Icelandic words!) **bastard." Well anyway Willow came. **(what's with all those innuendos?) **Hargird went away angrily.

"Hey bitch you look kawaii. **(hawaii!)**" she said.

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything. **(I guess having someone to spellcheck doesn't come cheap! Some flattery helps, though) **She was wearing a **(oh shi-) **short black corset-thingy **(The "thingies" are everywhere!) **with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots **(just a letter away from "black pointy boobs") **that showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic. **(big "bobs" + anorexia = paradox)**

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked.

"Yah." I said happily. **(What did I just read? "Happily"? Is this really My Immortal?)**

"I'm gong with Diabolo." she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot **(how hot? 100 degrees? 150?) **and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said **(pi squared) **'666' on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like **(Vampire!) **Marylin Manson. Draco was wearing **(*yawn*) **black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da **(Gryffindor tower?) **Warped tower. B'loody Mart **(I once saw a comic about a shop called "Voldemart") **was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. **(Better yet, Coca-Cola) **Dracola used to be called Navel **(Navy? Oh wait...Neville! FFFUU-) **but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. **(Didn't see that coming) **They dyed in a car crash. **(Vampire painters, nice!) **Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Slitherin now. **(geddit, coz they slit their wrists) **He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) **(yep, the sadist gpffik kids have lots of mercy) **that his dad Lucian **(I think of Lucian from Cramp Twins whenever they mention this name) **gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. **(Translation for the minor audiences: flower pot, Coca-Cola and a crack in the asphalt) **Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. **(Relax, we're making as much fun of you) **We soon got there...I gapsed.

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! **(Sexier than your beloved Draco?) **He locked even sexier den he did in pix. **("Pix" in Romanian means pen) **He had long raven blak hair n piercing **(you forgot the "geddit, cuz i'm goffik") **blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. **(Deja-vu, anyone?) **Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! **(Ah, but now I already know who this is!) **It was an ugly preppy **(kind of a pleonasm in Ebonyland)** man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. **(Smart guys) **It was...Vlodemort and da Death Deelers!

"U moronic idiots!" he shooted angstily. "Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now...I shall kill thou and Draco!"

"No no please!" We begged sadly **("Yes, yes, please!" the readers begged excitedly) **but he took out his knife. **(when he's got a wand and he's one of the greatest wizards of all time)**

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. **(Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, scissors beats paper, goff beats prep!) **He had lung black hair **(He's growing lung hair? *whistle* Go see Madam Pomfrey, "siriusly"!) **and a looong black bread. **(And he hit Voldie with the bread! Bad Voldie, bad!)** He wus werring a blak robe **(do they have any other colours) **dat sed 'avril lavigne' on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was...DUMBLYDORE! **(Wasn't he a prep before! Oh, I know, he's a poser! You're such a bad role model, Dumblydore...)**


	18. Chapter 18

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! **(Caps Lock rage unleashed!) **if u do den ur a **(a reader with something else than cereal for a brain) **fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. **(Oh, so I guess Willow's back for real now)** u rok! n ur nut **(Now, is she a rock or a nut? I don't geddit) **a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der! **("trying"...So I was right! Dumbles is a poser! Ha!)**

I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it **(O RLY? I thought you walked inside.) **and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed **(Oh sweet Jesus!) **lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress **(I can imagine...) **that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it. **(Black diamond? You sure it doesn't have graphite instead?)**

(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). **(You wouldn't like it as much if you came closer to it)** Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was **(make a wild guess, readers!) **black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song. **(the best way to relieve stress after all that work, chasing Voldie away)**)

Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. **(where the house elves grated cheese?) **There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys. **(How is Ashlee a band?)**

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow. B'loody Mary was wearing a **(*headdesk*) **black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs **(My thighs? Just how long is this stuff?) **and black boots and fishnets. **(and...it's terrible) **Vampire, Dracula and Draco came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. **(I vote for Jun Matsumoto, because he's a major fucking hottie!) **The boys joined in cause they were bi.

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Navel was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything **(Everything? So he's got the 7 horcruxes! Harry, go and...Oh wait, he's got higher purposes now, like chasing after a goffik girl) **came. He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. **(I can't remember who it was though) **He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black. **(didn't he have a phoenix? why does he have a hare now? Oh, and that's animal cruelty!)**

"...DUMBLEDORE?1!" we all gasped. **("No! I'm DumblYdore!")**

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!"

"Hello everyone." he said happily. "As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?"

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor **(I don't quite like the "Gryiffindoors" so I'm not going to disagree with her) **started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1.

"BTW you can call me Albert." HE CALLED AS WE LEFT **(rage unleashed again!) **to our classes.

"What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily as we we **(wee wee? That sits next to thingie and you-know-what...) **to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) **(lame pun) **but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!" Willow shouted. **(VAMPIRE? Mid-life crisis? How old is he?)**

I was so fucking angry. **(me too, but I bet not for the same reasons...)**


	19. Chapter 19

AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a **(normal**** reader)**foken prep n ur jelous ok!11 **(still**** not**** ok)**frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz!111 **(you**** should****'****ve ****done ****that ****earlier ****if**** you**** cared**** so**** much**** about ****it)**BTW evonyd a poorblod **(what**** she ****meant**** and**** what**** she ****wrote****…****)**so der!1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help!11

All day we sat angerly finking about Dumbelldore. We were so fucking pissed off. **(as**** am**** I**** right**** now,**** knowing**** that ****this ****fanfic ****got**** 1000**** revoiws ****and**** some**** of**** mine ****almost**** none)**Well, I had one thing to look forward too- **(the**** grammar ****class ****in**** your**** timetable)**da MCR concert. **(ah,**** close**** enough)**It had been postphoned, so we could all go. **(Looks ****like**** Hogwarts ****these**** days**** only**** cares**** about**** concerts**** instead**** of**** classes****…****Bad,****bad**** Dumbles!)**

Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut **(my**** wrists?)**classes. Draco was being all secretive. **(he**** was**** planning**** to ****kill**** you!)**

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot). **(if**** you**** put**** them ****in**** an ****oven, ****they**** surely**** are)**

"No one fucking understands me!1" he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes **(How ****can ****a**** hare ****go**** into****…****Okay,**** who ****divided**** by**** zero?)**like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken **(Borgin**** and**** Burke****'****s!)**Dreamz. He was wearing **(****…****)**black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) **(or**** geddit**** cuz ****I**** love ****playing**** games)**I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it **(they**** imprisoned**** you ****or ****what? ****Oh,**** Ebony****'****s**** in**** Azkaban!**** All**** rejoice!)**all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik) **(or ****we**** can**** just**** watch ****the**** video****-****I**** already**** have)**

"Accuse me? **(accuse?**** who ****accused**** who ****of**** what?**** wait**** a**** second!)**What about me!" I growled.

"Buy-but-but-" he grunted.

"You fucking bastard!" I moaned. **(so**** only**** Ebony ****is**** allowed ****to**** complain)**

"No! Wait! It's not what it fucking looks like!" he shouted.

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. **(with ****his ****you-know-what?**** oh,**** wait****…****What**** am**** I ****thinking?**** You**** corrupted**** me,**** Ebony!**** Kids,**** if ****you****'****re ****here,**** ignore**** this**** comment**** and**** go**** read**** stories**** appropriate**** for**** your**** age!)**I whipped **(my ****hair**** back**** and**** forth)**and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces **(epic.**** just**** epic)**like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois **(Only ****Avril**** Lavigne ****has ****the ****right**** to**** spell**** "****boy****" ****like****that**** – ****geddit,**** it****'****s**** Sk8er**** Boi,**** the**** song)**(raven that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END **(geddit,**** it****'****s**** the**** end ****of**** the ****world)**STARTED TO **(press**** caps ****lock ****again)**smoke pot. **(Again,**** kids,**** she****'****s ****referring ****to ****a**** FLOWER ****pot,**** ok?)**

Suddenly Hargrid came. He had appearated.

"You gave me a fucking shock!" I shouted angrily dropping my pot. "Wtf do you fink you're doing in da gurl's room?" **(Hargrid,**** you****'****re**** such**** a**** perv,**** prep**** AND ****poser!)**

Only it wasn't just Hargrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco **(not**** Vampire**** too?)**but it was Dumblydore.

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. **(V****'****lodemort**** has ****high ****heels,**** DumblYdore**** has**** purses?**** They****'****re**** sensitive**** bi**** guys,****right?)** "What are u wearing to the concert?"

"U no who MCR r!" I gasped.

"No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2." He said. "Anyway Draco has a surprise for u." **(Blank**** space****…****)**


	20. Chapter 20

AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! **(translation: jskfjcehrbce) **stof pflamin ok prepz!1 **(that line is a leitmotif in this fanfic, like the clothing descriptions) **fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania **(Transylvania? That's in my country…you…you goff poser! I live in a different part of Romania, though) **4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz. **(relax, we won't miss anything, except perhaps for a good laugh)**

All day I wondered what the surprise was. **(Oh, the excitement…*sigh*) **Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder **(so close to "ladder") **mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots. MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since Volxemort had taken over the last one. **(and will probably take over this one as well)** I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum **(and product, geddit, math stuff) **black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped **(Hopped! Oh God...Hopped!) **inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again. **(Totally not a slut, as you can see)**

"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! "R u gonna cum **(probably, knowing My Immortal) **rape me or what." I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because **(it's your world and you can do anything you want) **Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo.

"No, actshelly (geddit, hell) kan I plz burrow sum condemns." he growld angrily.

"Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarkastikally. **(Look where Pedobear was hiding!)**

"Fuker." He said, gong away. **(She kinda likes gongs, doesn't she?)**

Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped...Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1 **(O.O)**

"Oh my god you ludacris idiot!" they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Dobby ran away crying. **(he'll need special counseling after this) **Dey got up, though. Normally I wood **(I metal) **have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) **(although you did name your flamers "gay fags" previously) **but both of them were fuking preps. (btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now) **(What a poser he is!)**

"WTF is that why u wanted condoms?" I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat)

"Only you wouldn't give them to me!" Lumpkin **(Fuzzy Lumpkins!) **shouted angrily.

"Well you shoulda told me." I replayed.

"You dimwit!." Snake began 2 shoot **(with a gun) **angrily. And then...I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything. **(Everything? Really? I've seen this before...)**

"Well xcuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was dat al about?"

"It wuz to blackmail **(geddit, cuz she's goffik and she likes black) **u." I snarked. "So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I'll show dis to Dumbledork. **(That's a subtle way of calling Dumbles a dork) **So fuck off, u bastards!" I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot.

"WTF where'd Draco?" I asked him. **(So a boy is hot, and you ask him about another boy. Enoby's logic...)**

"Oh he's bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum." **(oh, the spelling...) **Vampire said shaking his hed. "U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?"

Then... he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his dogfather **(Epic! Freaking epic!) **Serious Blak **(Siriusly, enough with the Serious jokes!) **had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said 'ENOBY' on it. **(Oh, I see your point...)**

...I gasped. **(I sighed...)**

We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing.

Vampire and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik. I gapsed, **(you do have some gaps in grammar and spelling indeed) **looking at da band.

I almost had an orgasim. **(not an orgy? or an organ?) **Gerard was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing 'Helena' and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ...And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Draco, cryin in a corner. **(Noooo! You ludacris idiot! How dare you!)**


	21. Chapter 21

AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. **(so does your spelling, but you keep ignoring this) **itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong **(oh, yes it is…) **ok koz dat bich ravern **(tavern) **cuz it fok u prepz!1 **("Because f... you, that's why" – I love her reasoning) **woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help. **(couldn't you have just deleted the previous sentence?)** btw transilvana rox hrad!1 **(I agree. Can't believe I do)** I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed! **(I saw the castle where he supposedly lived. No ghosts around there though)**

Later we all went in the skull. **(_"_**_**To be, or not to be**_**: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune_" _**– those who read will geddit**) **Draco was crying in da common room. "Draco are u okay?" I asked in a gothic voice. **(Make a wild guess.)**

"No I'm not u fuking bitch!" he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. **(Right now I imagine a chicken with its head cut off running in circles...*shakes head* What has MI done to me?) **I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide.

"Its ok Enoby." said Vampire comfortly. "Ill make him feel better." **(Guess in what way.)**

"U mean you'll go fuck him wont you!" **(Wow, she guessed what I was thinking!) **I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too.

"Draco please come!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I **(am an oven) **love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)

And then... we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke. **(well yeah, when you do coke, you do feel invincible) **We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris (**You keep using that name. I don't think it means who you think it means**) there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.

"WHOSE THERE!" **(kill me) **he shouted angrily. We saw Filth **(FILTH! What an appropriate name!) **come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly.

"IS ANY1 THERE!" yelled Mr. Norris.

"No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!" Vampire said under his breast in a disgusted way. **(I'm glad you know your insults, Vampire, but didn't mommy teach you to keep silent when hiding from Filth and Mr. Chuck Norris?)**

"EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. **(Like they'd be dumb enough to say. But, knowing that this is Enoby and Vampire...you may never know!) **Den he heard Filch meow. "Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!" he asked. Filth nodded. **(he's a freaking CAT! How can a cat nod?) **And then...Vampir frenched me! **(Filth Meow-Meow and Chuck Norris are about to find you and you feel like frenching) **He did it jus as... Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1

"WHAT DA-" he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining **(English grammar) **away frum him. And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school.

"Draco!" I cried. "R u okay?"

"I guess though." Draco weeped. **(That's some progress from the previous time!) **We went back to our coffins frenching each other. Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) **(dunno, but this fanfic surely is) **on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Fug **(Fug!) **and da Mystery **(Machine!) **of Magic **(Close enough.) **walked into the school!1

**Bonus for the real goffs out there:**

**How to write a My Immortal Chapta, A Guide by FallenHero93**

AN: Insert as many f words as you like towards readers. Remind them of how low preps and posers are. If the day is an even number, say fangz to Raven. If the day is an odd number, call her a prep and a poser. End with a statement about how a certain band rocks.

Start from an event that hasn't happened yet (the best is a concert). French with Draco, then with Vampire. Shoot angrily. Describe your outfit. Have a random HP character say he loves Enoby - you can ressurect him from the dead if it suits your purpose. Mention the pervert pedos and posers Snap and Loopin. Describe your outfit. Drink blood or slit your wrists in a coffin and have Draco cry all sensitive over it. Make Dumbles ignore him and accesorize him with preppy stuff. Describe your outfit. Insult someone. Then find comfort in Vampire. Then return to the event even though you haven't even left. Insert an AN in which you give random explanations for it and tell something to Raven. Describe your outfit. Go to Tom Rid's store with all your friends who keep complimenting you and then french Tom Rid as well. Describe your new outfit. Find Draco again and put his thingie in your you-know-what with a goffick band playing in the background. Have HAHRID come on his broom and tell you something. Ignore him. Describe your outfit. Make Volfemort come and threaten you with his Shakespearian English and high heels. Then gasp.


	22. Chapter 22

AN: stfu! prepz stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of I no itz mr. noris itz raven's folt ok!11 u suk!1 no jus kidding raven u fokieng rok prepz suk!1 **(I'm at a loss for words)**

All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic. **(You tell 'em, Enoby!) **Well anyway, I woke up the next day. **(I guessed you normally wake up after a week) **I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. Then I gasped.

Standing in front of me where... **(Angry fans with torches in their hands?) **B'loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow!

I opened my crimson eyes. **(After...Wait a minute, how did you know that it was them then? Gasp.) **Willow was wearing **(I don't want to live on this planet anymore!) **a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was **("The boots was..." - FML) **attached to the top. Vampire was wearing a baggy **(honestly, what's with the baggy stuff?) **Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Draco was wearing a black **(Justin Bieber) **MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. **(Again, replace Gerard Way with Justin Bieber. Oh, the lulz!) **Vampire looked like **(Daniel Radcliffe?) **Joel Madden. B'loody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage with a white apron that said 'bich' and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it **(Hermione, is this you? N...no way! *sobs*) **kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. **(Honestly, I can't see Amy Lee wearing anything like this) **Darkness (who is Jenny) was there too. She was weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing **(you kinda like thingies, don't you?) **and black pointy boots. So were Crab and Goyle. It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle's dad was a vampire. **(So you mean...Jenny, I mean Ginny, Ron, CrabBE and Goyle...Well, she did get two of them right, they do have the same dad...Oh Mr Weasley, what have you been doing?)** He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. **(He died without finding the purpose of a rubber duck!) **He had raped them and stuff before too. **(Bad, bad Mr Weasley!) **They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism.

"OMFG" I yielded as I jumped up. "Why the fuck are u all here?"

"Enoby something is really fucked up." **(I know, this fanfic is) **Draco said.

"OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first." I shouted angrily. **(You Were Wearing Pajamas a few moments ago! Did your clothes just vanish? Well, they do seem to disappear kinda quickly when you're next to Vampire/Draco...)**

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful." **(meh) **Draco said in a sexy voice. **(agree with this!)**

"Oh all right." I said smiling. **(Smiling? Something's fishy in here) **"But you have to tell me why your being all erective." **(Probably coz he's next to a very horny girl)**

"I will I will." he said.

So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. Then I came. We all went outside the Great Hal and looked in from a widow. **(A what? Right now I imagine Vampire sucking blood from a widow...Bad mental image!) **A fucking prep called Britney from Griffindoor was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. **(So, what did you achieve?)** Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork. **(Dumbledork! Epic) **Cornelia Fudged **(oh, the humanity!) **was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge **(wow, that's epic as well!) **was there too.

"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!"

"THE BARK LORD **(Woof woof! *wags tail*) **IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge.

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS **(Dumbles has Alzheimer's! We're doomed!) **IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!" **(is it just me or did she spell Voldemort correctly?)**

"Very well." Dumbledore said angrily. "Butt we cannot do this. We can't close the school. **(these 2 sentences are remarkably in character for him!) **There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is...**(McGonagall? Hermione? Oh please, don't tell me it's...) **Enony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way." **(ah...)**

Draco, Crab, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B'loody Mary looked at each other...I gasped. **(sexily?)**


	23. Chapter 23

**Check the end of this chapter for an updated author's note. I'm putting it there 'coz you need to read this chapta to understand it.**

AN: dhut da fok up biches!1 ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 reviowz!1**(The mystical "1" returns!) **fangz 2 raven 4 da help n telin me bout da boox **(I honestly hope you meant "the box". 'Coz if it's what I think it is, you're doing it kinda late) **gurlu rok letz go shopin 2getha! **(*cough*prep*cough*)**

The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fudge stomped out **(happily!) **angrily. Then Dumbledum **(Dum dum dum dum!) **and Rumbridge sawed **(Mother of God...That's it, I'm burning all my grammar textbooks! Looks like everything they taught me until now was wrong) **us.

"MR. **(transgender much?) **WAY WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!" **(Somebody actually censors him/herself in this story? I must be having a good dream) **Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore blared at her.

"Oops she made a mistake!" he corrupted her. **(Dumbles you bad boy! How dare you corrupt a woman!) **"She means hi everybody cum in!" **(Are you really into this kind of stuff, Dumblydum?)**

Well we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. I sat between Darkness and **(Lightness) **Draco and opposite B'loody Mary. Crab and Goyle started 2 make some morbid jokes. **(Remarkably in-character, I'd guess) **They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. **(no idea who this guy is) **I eight **(I five. Glad to meet you!) **some Count Chocula and drank som blood from a cup. Then I herd someone shooting angrily. **(Yourself, most likely) **I looked behind me it was...Vampire! He and Draco were shooting at eachother. **(I imagine each of them on a broom holding a gun and competing for Enoby's love)**

"Vampire, Draco WTF?" I asked. **(Sums up my opinion at this point)**

"You fucking bustard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit next to her!1" **(Sorry Draco, the toilet would suit your purpose better)**

"No I do!" shouted.

"No she doesn't fucking like u, you son of a bitch!" yelled Draco. **(Poor Draco, he doesn't know half the truth...)**

"No fuck you motherfucker she laves me not you!" shouted Vampire. And then... he jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv) They started to fight and beat up each other. **(yes, in that way, you sadist)**

Dumbldore yelled at them but they didn't stop. **(It would amaze me if they did) **All of a sudden... a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. **(oh, I have a bad feeling about this)** He had no nose and **(Everything!)** was wearing a gray robe. **(He doesn't have "everything" in here? You're ruining my dreams) **All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart. **(duh) **Britney that fucking prep started to cry. Vampire and Draco stopped fighting...I shopped **(Shame on you! VolFemort is coming and you're shopping! Mediocre dunce!) **eating...Everyone gasped. Da room fell silent...Volzemort! **(How many evil clones does this guy have? Probably 7, I guess)**

"Eboby...Ebony..." **("Egogy, Enony, Ebony, Enoby...Oh, whatever you're called") **Darth Valer **(Noooo! She's stealing my second all-time favourite Star Wars character! Now, where did I put the torch?) **sed evilly in his raspy voice. "Thou havfe failed ur mission. **(Kinda sounds like Darth Valer...I mean Vader) **Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!" **(Nope, not DV. He'd have force choked them a long time ago) **

"Plz don't make me kill him plz!" I begged. **(Nice way of persuading a killer)**

"No!" he laughed crudely. "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!" **(Voldie, you're so smart! I think Ebony taught you logic) **Then he flew away cackling. **(So...evil and mean!)**

I bust into tears. Draco and Vampire came to contort me. **(Like a circus, lol!) **Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic. **(the eyes or the guys?) **I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Voldremot coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed way. **(Then what was Voldie's role, if Draco was planning to kill himself anyways?)**

"No!" I screamed I locked up and stopped having the vision. **(phew! I was sooo worried)**

"Ebony Ebony aure you alright?" asked Draco in a worried voice. **(Meh, she is...)**

"Yeah yeah." I said sadly as I got up. **(So, you're ok, but you say it sadly.)**

"Everyfing's all right Enoby." said Vampire all sensetive.

"No its not!" I shouted angrily. **(Are you alright – Yeah. Everything's alright – No. Enoby logic fail) **Tearz of blood went down my face. "OMFG what if I'm getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!" **(big deal...)**

"Its ok gurl." said B'loody Mary. "Maybe u should ask Proffesor Sinister about what the visions mean though."

"Ok bich." I said sadly and den we went. **(so glad it ended!)**

******Now for the author's note. I was re-reading this commentary today and on this chapter I facepalmed for the stupidity of my past self. The part I'm referring to is: "**They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo.** **(no idea who this guy is)**".**

**Now not only do I actually know who the guy is (but obviously the name is misspelled), but he's become my favourite singer. And when I first heard of him, I was actually thinking: why doesn't Tar - Ebony, pardon me - also mention him or his band as her favourite performers? His songs are kinda depressive, the exact type she'd love. And I was actually glad I didn't find a single reference to him... till now. My musical tastes are ruined yet again by dear Enoby.  
><strong>

**So, my updated commentary on that part would be:  
><strong>

"They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. **(Ville Valo...is in My Immortal, the most terrible badfic in the history of ever. Ahhh! Why him of all? Ville is so awesome! You...you poser muggle prep! Don't you dare compare them to His Amazingness! I'm gonna go cry in a corner now)".**

**Sorry, fangirlism attack ^_^**


	24. Chapter 24

AN: prepz stup flaming da story ur jus jelous **(obviously, I could never write such a masterpiece) **so fuk u ok go 2 hel!11 **(after you, please) **raven fagz **(you have no idea what you just said to your friend, did you?)** 4 di help!

Well we had Deviation **(the class where they teach you to deviate from common sense and grammar rules? You kinda love this class, don't you?) **next so I got to ask Proffessor Trevolry about the visions.

"Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Proffesor Sinister in Japanese. She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick. **(I imagine Professor Whatever rushing towards Egogy to smell her) **She's da coolest fucking teacher ever. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes. **(Hogwarts fashion FTW) **(hr mom woz a vampire. **(that explains lots of things) **She's also haf Japanese so she speaks it and everyfing. **(Again, everything.) **she n b'loody mry get along grate) **(they grate cheese together along with the house elves) **She's really young for a teacher. 2day she was wearing **(The teacher too? Nevermind) **a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress. We went inside the black classroom with pastors **(I thought you were a Stanist and you wouldn't like pastors) **of Emily the Strong. I raced my hand. **(against an imaginary car) **I was wearing some black naie Polish **(I imagine a Polish guy as an accessory on Enoby's outfit) **with red pentagrams on it.

"What is it Ebony?" she asked. "Hey I love ur nail polish where'd u get it, Hot Topik?" **(Every teacher at my school asks the same thing)**

"Yeah." I answered. All the preps who didn't know what HT was gave me weird looks. **(You, Ebony, have universal wisdom!) **I gave them the middle finger. **(which the teacher apparently doesn't care about) **"Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?"

"Ho about now?" she asked. **("How about never?" I suggested instead)**

"OK." I said.

"OK class fucking dismissed every1." **(I want an Enoby and a teacher like this for every class! As she'd say, "you may think that I'm a bad student but I'm not". I get bored in class easily) **Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go. "Except for you Britney." she pointed at Britney and sum other preps. **(Divine retribution for the prep!) **"Please do exorcize (geddit) 1 on page 3." **(They didn't get too far with the curriculum, did they? I mean, they're still at page 3 after all this time? "Always")**

"OK I'm having lotz of visions." **(I have lots of dreams too, but I don't have a teacher who cancels the class for me! I think what Tara said is becoming true, I'm getting jealous) **I said in a worried voice. I'm so worried is Draco gong **(this girl has a serious gong fetish) **2 die.

Well she gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in. I looked at it.

"What do you c?" she asked.

"I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram." **(You see that everywhere. In fact, I think if you looked at your clothes you'd see the same things. Oh, and can you imagine how a prep skull would look like?)**

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco. He was looking really sexy wearing **(he may be wearing anything, he still looks sexy to you) **a black leather facet, a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt and blak Congress shoes.

"Okay you can go now, see ya cunt." said Proffesor Sinister. **(I love this line)**

"Bye bitch." I said waving. **(I love this one too)**

I went to Draco and Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so exhibited. **(Good God)**


	25. Chapter 25

AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Justin **(Bieber) **2 bet u up!1111 n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111 **(I don't think nerds are your friends) **FUK UU!1 raven fangz for de help!1 **(meh…)**

I was so excited. I fellowed Draco wandering if we where going 2 do it again. **(You horny simpleton!) **We went outside and then we went **(inside) **into Draco's black car.

"Ebony what the fuck did Profesor Trevolry say." whispered Draco potting his gothic whit hand with bvlak nail polish on mine. **("I see death in your future, Enoby...Beware of the Bark Lord!")**

"She said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow." **(what, she didn't feel like explaining today?) **I grumbled in a sexy voice. He took out a heroin cabaret and spiked it, **(Wait til your father hears about it!) **and gave it to me to spork. **(from what Google tells me, spork is a hybrid between a spoon and a fork) **He started to fly the car into a tree. **(He's suicidal again!) **We went to the top of it. **(ah, now I see) **Draco put on some **(normal clothes!)** MCR.

"And all the things that you never ever told me And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me." sang Gerard's sexy voice. **(not Draco's) **We started tiling of each other's cloves **(haha, garlic cloves!) **fevently. He took of my blak thong and my black leather bar. I took of his black boxers. Then... he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily. **(I think Sandra Brown gets inspiration for her novels from here. If you don't know who she is...then you know what to do!)**

"OMFG Draco Draco!" I screamed having an orgism. **(or an orgy, or an organ) **We stated frenching passively. Suddenly... I fell asleep. **(Didn't last too long, did it?) **I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two goffik men with long **(pink! say pink, please!) **black hair.

"No! Please don't fucking kill us!1" they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car. **(A No-Mercy-Benz – geddit, he has no mercy)**

"No! Oh my fucking god!11" I shouted in a scared voice.

"Ebony what's wrong?" Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy blue eyes. **(Lots of things, Draco dearest)**

I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. I told Draco to call Vampire. He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile. Butt **(subliminal messages much?)** the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where... Lucian and Serious!111


	26. Chapter 26

**AN1: I removed the "Cooking with Enoby" bonus and made it a separate one-shot. The goffickness remains!**

**AN2: You should check out myimmortalbyzenia's Youtube channel - she makes awesome illustrated dramatic readings. I particularly loved when at the "he was hung like a stallone" part, Draco's "thingie" was replaced by an image of Sylvester Stallone. I laugh my eyes off whenever I remember that. Let's spread the lulz!  
><strong>

AN: PREPZ STUP FLAMING SDA STRY OK!1 ***insert evil laugh*** if u dnot lik da story den go fok urself u fokeng prep! U SUK!111 oh y and I wuznt beng rasist **(I bet on it)** ok!11

A few mutates **(yep, there must've been a mutation, otherwise I can't explain this nonsense) **later Vampire came 2 da tree. He was wearing a **(why do I bother...) **blak leather jackson, black leather pants and a Good Chralotte t-shirt. **(In Soviet Russia, Black pants wear you!)**

"Hi Vampire." I said flirtily as I started to sob. **(who cries while flirting?)** Draco hugged me sexily tryont **(tyrant!) **to comfrot **(confront)** me. I started to cry tears of blood and then told them what happened.

"Oh fuck it!" Vampire shouted angrily. He4 started to cry sadly. "What fucking dick did that!" **(Probably yours or Draco's. Geddit)**

"I don't know." I said. "Now come on we have 2 tell Dumbledor." **(why? he's a poser and he hates you!)**

We ran out of the tree and in2 **(1,4,2 - what's with all the numbers? You tryin' to tell me something?) **da castle. Dumblydor was sitting in his office.

"Sire are dads have been shot!" Draco said while we wipped **(and whepped! I remember this!) **sum tears from his white face. "Enoby had a vision in a dreem." **(Inception much?)**

Dubleodre started to cockle. "Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony's not divisional?" **(She likes her arithmetics!)**

I glared at Dumbledore.

"Look motherfucker." he said angrily as Dumbeldore gasped **(Draco just called Dumbles a...*shakes head*) **(c is da toot of crakter). **(Crackers?) **"U know very well that I'm not decisional. **(two attempts and still didn't get it right) **Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Series and Lucian- pornto!" **(PORNTO! Oh, the humanity!)**

"Okay." he said in a intimated voice. **(this doesn't sound appropriate at all...) **"Were are they?"

I fought about it. **(I also fight my inner voices who tell me to quit reading My Immortal) **Then all of a sudden... "Longdon." **(Next to Shortdon or what? Looks like size really matters) **I said. I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff. **(so explicit...She prefers to use her energy to describe outfits rather than events) **After a few mistunes he came back and said people were going **(not gong?) **out looking for them. After a while someone called him again. He said that they had been found. Draco, Vampire and I all left to our rooms together. I went with Draco to wait in the nurse**'**s office while Vampire went to slit his wrists in his room. **(so he prefers to miss all the fun? No menage-a-trois?) **We looked at each other's gothic, derperessed eyes. Then, wekissed. **(no weird thingie-in-you-know-what? Come on, Enoby, you disappoint me!) **Suddenly Serious **(Siriusly? How can you spell it this way?) **and Lucian **(Wait until the real Lucius Malfoy finds out how you call him) **came in on stretchers...and Proffesor Sinister was behind them!1 **(Did you notice that the only female in HP she remembers is Hermione? I think Bellatrix would've made a nice addition to the story)**


	27. Chapter 27

**AN: I made the "Cooking with Enoby" bonus a separate one-shot. So, if you missed it, go one chapter back - I replaced it with another commentary!**

AN: u no wut!111 I dnot giv a fok wut u prepz fink abot me!1111 **(In the same way that the preps don't give a f.. what you think about them) **so stup flaming da foking story bichez!1111 fangz 2 raven 4 ur luv n sport **(You'll need your sportive qualities when angry fans with torches come to get you) **n help i luv u gurl soz i kodnt update lol I wuz rly deprezzd **(everyone says lol when they're depressed) ** n I silt muh rists I had 2 go 2 da hospital rraven u rok gurl!11111111111111111111 **(Whoa, this is beyond plain caps lock rage...Number 1 rage! So hardcore!)**

Every1 in the room stated to cry happly- I had saved them. **(Enoby is corrupting their minds! Save yourselves!) **Drako, Lucian, Serious bond **(James Bond. Or better yet, Covalent bond!) **Vampire all came to hug me. The nurse started to give them medicine.

"Cum on Enoby." **(the spelling? Me Gusta) **said Proffesor Sinatra. **(I spelled it my way!) **She was wearing a gothic blak leader dress with a corset top and real vampir blood on it **(oh, so all the blood til now had been fake? You mediocre poser!) **and fuking black platinum boots. **(But platinum is not bla...I quit already) **"I have to tell you the fucking perdition." **(The teachers are now taking after DumblYdore, I see!) **

I locked at Lucian, Serifs, Drake and Vampire. They nodded. **(She couldn't tell you the "perdition" unless they agreed?)**

I smelled happily and went into a dark room. I had changed Profesor Sinister took out some black cards. **(How does she see the black cards if she's in a dark room? Beats me) **She started to look into a black crucible ball. She said... "Tara, I see drak **(this word with a slightly different spelling is the equivalent of "devil" in my language...so yeah...I see what you did there; after all, she was in Transylvania)** times are near." She said badly. She peered into da balls. **(I'm laughing at this more that I should) **"You see, you must go back in time." **(So she'll disappear from this universe? Go Enoby go!) **She took out a Time-Toner **(I almost expected the last word to have another starting letter...Enoby, you're corrupting me!) **like B'loody Mary had. "When Voldemint **(Only sold at Voldemart - Fresh breath for all the cool goffik guys who lik deth) **was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. **(Borgin and Burke's again? Is this subliminal advertising?) **Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?" **(Of course not, you mediocre dunce, he'd be VolSemort!) ** shook my head. "U must go back in time and sedouce him. **(Poor Voldie) **It is the only way. If he is still evil then you must kill him. **Y**ou can come to my room tomorrow and you can do it."

"Okay." I said sadly. We did dethz tuch sin. I went outside again sa**n**dly.

"What fucking happened?" asked Draco and Vampire. **("Why are we dressed like this? And why are we so close to each other?")**

"Yeah what happened?" asked Darkness, Willow and Boldy Mary?

I was about to tell them butt every1 was there. They were celebrating Lucian and Sirius being fond. Everyone was proud of me **(You are totally Nut A Mary Su) ** butt I jut wonted 2 talk 2 Draco. **(is "talk" the right verb?) **They were cheesing **(in the Grate Hall, I guess) **my name and some reporters were there, trying to interview Dumblydore. A banner was put up. Lotz of fucking prepz were there oviously tring 2 be b goffik wering the HIM sign **(Update after a while: My...favourite band...I'd be surprised if Tara actually knew the "HIM sign", which has in fact a name, the heartagram)** on their handz- depite them not having akshelly heard of him. **(How many preps! Unbelievable) **Even Mr. Noris looked happy. A blak and **(black) **red cake had been brought out. Crabbe and Goyke set up some fireworx in the shape of skulls from Wesley's Whizard Wises. **(Skulls...The twins are also on Volxemort's side? As Harry'd say: "He trusted you!")**

I put on my Invisibility coke with Vampire and Draco and we sneaked outside 2gether. **(ooh, here comes the menage a trois! I'm such a horny simpleton)**


	28. Chapter 28

**AN: I was wrong about what I said in the last chapter. Hermione isn't the only female she remembers from HP, there's also Prof. Sinistra/Sinister and Trelawney/Trevolry.**

AN: I sed stop gflmaing **(I read somewhere that if monkey was hitting keys at random on a typewriter** **for an infinite amount of time, after a while it will type the complete works of Shakespeare. That's the same thing as saying that if Ebony keeps hitting keys at random for a large amount of tine, after a while she'll type the whole HP saga) **da story it wuz a miskat **(Kit Kat!) **wen profsor relory sed dat ok!11111111 GO 2 FOKENG HELL!1111 U SUK! fangz 2 fily 4 da help!1! raven hav fun wif kiwi!1111111 **(What are you doing to the poor kiwi, Raven? Oh wait, is that a kiwi bird? Call Animal Police!)**

**Offtopic. I just checked my Deviantart messages and it said: "you have no more hot topic messages". Enoby is everywhere!**

We went in2 a blak room. **(They've found the room of requirements! Canon characters beware!) **The wallz were blak with portraits of gothic bands lik MCR, GC and Marlin Mason **(I half-expected you to spell that as "Marilyn Monroe" - I can't stand her, by the way) **all over them. **(I remember this chapta! It has one of the best quotes in it! Oh, the anxiety!) **A big black coffin was in the middle. Red vevlet lined da blak box. **(and there was black vevlet underneath the red vevlet) **There were three chairs made of bones with real skullz in dem. I wuz wearing a **(Someone Avada Kedavra me, now!) **blak corset bar wif purple stuff on it, fishnet suckings **(geddit, cuz this story sucks) **and a blak leather thong underneath.

I sat down one of da chairs dispersedly. So did Drako and Vampire.

"Are you okay?" Vampir asked potting his albastard **(I imagined an albatross, lol) **hand on mine. He was wearing black nail polish. I was wearing blak nail polish **(everybody's wearing black nail polish! It really amazes me how come I never had a nightmare with Enoby till now!) **with red crosses on it.

"Yah I guess." I said sadly. Drako also pot his hand on mine sexily. I smiled sadly with my blak lipstick. "The problem is...I have to seduce Volxemort. Ill have 2 go bak in time"

Draco started to cry sadly. **(People here both cry and smile sadly, it seems. The emotional range of Kristen Stewart) **Vampire hugged him.

"Itz okay Ebo**o**by." he said finally. "But what about me? Ur not gonna brake up or anyfing, are you?"

"Of coarse not!" I gasped.

"Really?" he asked. **(now I'm the one screaming "My Draco"!)**

"Sure." I said.

We frenched sexily. Vampire looked at us longingly.

Then... **(I've read enough My Immortal to know where this is going) **I took off Draco's MCR shrift and seductvely took of his pants. He was hung lik a stallone. **(Yeah, that's what I'm talking about! So much epicness in a single sentence!) **He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Enoby on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Gerard Way. **(I'm pretty sure Gerard doesn't have an Enoby tattoo) **Vampire took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4). **(I thought you said the contrary)**

I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif. **(You just gotta love Enoby's metaphors!)**

We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. **(damn, you're multitasking!) **He put his spock **(I've never watched Star Trek, but even I know that it's related to it...*deep sigh*) **in my you-know-what and passively we did it.

"I love you Eboby. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u." he screamed as we got an orgasm. **(Yep, Sandra Brown definitely gets her inspiration from this) **We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly. **(Hey, Vampire really doesn't get too much action in this! He has rights too, Eboby!) **Suddenly...

"WHAT THE FUCK R U DOING!"

It was...**(Dumblydore!) **Snope and Profesor McGoggle!111 **(Ah, so close!)**


	29. Chapter 29

AN: sot das **(Reminds me of those Hitler parodies on Youtube in which he keeps ranting) **fok up!11 ur jus jelouz **(obviously, everyone is jealous of such a masterpiece) **koz ur prepz so fok u!1111 raven u rok gurl fangz 4 da help MCR ROX 666!111111111111 **(MCR ROX 111!666666) **

"Oh my satan!1" we screamed as we jamped out of da coffin. Snap and Professor McGoonagle **(Poor Professor McGonagall, she's had her name spelled in 100 different ways) **started to shoot at us angrily.

"CUM NOW!1!" **(The teachers are horny simpletons too!) **Preacher **(I see, so that's why she's an antagonist in this, she's a preacher) **McGongel yielded. We did guiltily. **(I don't think you feel guilty in the least) **We left the room putting on our clothes. Snoop **(Doggy Dogg) **garbed the caramel **(he has quite a sweet tooth, doesn't he?) **and put it in his pocket.

"Hey what the fuck!111" Vampire shooted angrily. **(yeah, why is he stealing your sweets?)**

"Yeah buster **(Mythbusters) **what the fuck are u going to do with the fucking camera?" Draco demonded all protective, looking at me Longley with his gothic red eyes. **(Now I'm the one screaming "My Draco!") ** "Look, Dumblehor **(very subtle way of insulting Dumbles) **noes **(oh noes) **your little secret and if u do dis again, then u will go to St Mango's. **(Mango yoghurt is awesome!) **So give back da camera!1111" **(He says something like this: I'm right, so give it back!****)**

Hahahaha the Mystery of Mogic thinks he is crazy there is no way dey wil believe him. **(Remarkably, this kinda happened in HP...) **Snoop laughed meanly. **(how dare he!)**

"Yes so shut your mputh you inlosent fools!" yelled Proffesor McGoggle. She made us cum **(oh, I see what you did there) **into a weird room with white **(ah, now I see why it's so weird) **stones all around it. There were all these werid tools in it. **(So descriptive!) **Draco started to cry all sexy and sexitive (geddit koz hes a sexbom **(Enoby is now teaching us how to derivate words from "sex", isn't she?) **lol tom felnot rulez 4 lif **(wow, I find myself agreeing with her) **but nut as muxh as gerard ur sex on legz I luv u u fokeng rok mary me!111). **(do her parents know what she's writing on the internet?)**

I started to cry tearz of blood (it hapnz in vrampir kroniklz raven sed so ok so fok u!1). Vampire took out a black honkerchief **(so close to "hookerchief") **and started to wipe my red eyes.

And then... he and Snoop both took out guns using magic. They started to shoot each other angrily. Non of the ballots gut on eachodder yet. I took out my wand. **(because you're the only one who's aware that she's a witch and that she can use freaking wand!)**

"Crosio!" I shouted. Snap stated 2 scram he dropd da gun. But it was too late. Both of them had run out of ballets. I STOPPED DA CURSE. **(you're sooo amazing, Enoby!) **Profesor McGoogle **(McYahoo)** did a spell so that we were all chained up. She took out a box of tools. **(Since when is McGoogle a mechanic?) **Den she said "OK Serverus I'm going 2 go now." **(Serverus disconnected) **She left. Snap started to laugh evilly. Vampire started to cry. **(doesn't surprise me at all)**

"It's ok Enoby." said Draco. "Evergreen will be all right. **(obviously, evergreen plants never have to worry about losing their leaves) **Remember the cideo u took of Snake." **(Which Dumblydore constipated?)**

Snape laughed again. And then...he took out some whips!1!1111 **(Snape is into S&M? My childhood is ruined!)**


	30. Chapter 30

**AN: I'm gonna recommend you a video! You should watch "Voldemort Oh you touch my tralala" on Youtube - it's a collection of clips with Voldie and Bellatrix synchronised with "The Ding Dong Song"** **("Oh, you touch my tralala/Mmm, my ding ding dong"). It's good to watch after reading my Immortal. It could even be a soundtrack if there's ever a movie based it!**

AN: stop flaming da story ok u dnot no wutz even gona happen ok!1111 **(Thingies, you-know-whats, malapropisms, OOCs, insulting your readers and/or Raven, blood, swear words. Not necessarily in that order though) **so FUL U!111 **(FULL! The only word that ends in –FULL is FULL! – quote from my English teacher) **if u flam u wil be a prep **(or a match, or a lighter - geddit) **so al flamerz kan kiss muh ass!111 **("Can" is an appropriate verb. We can – too bad we won't) **soz 4 soz **(Mindblowing repetition) **4 sayin alzhimers is dongerous but datz da mysteries **(machine) **opinin koz sosiety basically sux. **(*sigh*I agree with you on that, although perhaps not for the same reasons) **fangz 2 raven u rok bich!111

"No!11" we screamed sadly. **(Yeah! he screamed statistically) **Snap stated loafing meanly. **(is "loafing" related to the lung black bread? Perhaps Dumbles cut it off into several loaves and gave'em to Snap, since he likes masticating so much) **He took out a kamera anvilly. **(A camera AND an anvil? So hardcore!) **Then... he came tords Darko!1! He took sum stones out of his poket. He put da stones around Draco and nit a candle. **(Well, that's witchcraft to me. Nothing unusual in the wizarding world)**

"What the fuck r u doing!" I shooted arngrily. **(good thing to do when you're at his mercy) **Snoop **(The Doggfather!)** laughed meanly. He polled down his pants. **(There goes my childhood) **I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11! **(It must hurt tons when Volxemort is calling him!)**

He waved his wand and a nife came. **(He waved his nand and a wife came!)** He gave da knife 2 me. **(Siriusly, what's with all the knives?)**

"U must stab Vrompire." he said to me. "If u don't then I'll rap Draco!1" **(I think Snoop would be better suited to rap)**

"No you fucking bastrad!1" I yielded. **(Hey, it's OK, Enoby, it's Vrompire who you have to kill! Who said anything about Vampire? And you're a sadist anyways)**

But den **(Microsoft Word) **Draco looked at me sadly with his evil goffik red **(correction lines) **eyes dat looked so depressant and **(I decided to ignore them) **sexy. He lookd exactly like a pentragram (lol geddit koz im a satanist) between Kurt Cobain and Gerard. But then I looked at Vampire and he looked so smexy too wif his goffik black hair. I thought of da time when we screwed **(yeah, all the nice memories) **and the time I did it with Draco and Dumblydore came **("What the hell are you doing motherfukers!") **and the tame where Draco almost commited suicide and Vampire wuz so sportive. **(He is on the Quidditch team...when he is in character)**

Snipe laughed angrily. He started to prey to Volxemort. **(He's the evil spirit, I guess...Oh wait, the protagonists are evil and sadist so...Volxemort must be the good guy!) **He started to do an incapacitation dancing around the stokes whipping Draco and Vampire. **(I can't imagine Alan Rickman doing that...Not even remotely) **Suddenly an idea I had. **(Do or do not. There is no try!) **I clozd my eyes and using my vampire powers **(which you remembered about just recently)** I sent a telepathetic **(cuz it's so pathetic...) **massage **(I think it's a massage with forks and vampire fangz instead of the traditional hands) **to Drako and Vampire so they would destruct Snape. **(So they're tied, you're tied as well and you suggest them to destroy him; Mind = Blown)**

"Dumbeldork will get u!" Draco shooted. **(Not if he's a dork)**

"Yah just wait ubtil da Mystery find out!11" **(I don't think Scooby Doo and Mystery Inc would like to find out about this...especially since Hogwarts doesn't have hamburgers) **Vampire yelled. Meanwhile I took out my wand. **(Which proves again that the telepathetic message you sent the others was as pathetic as I said)**

"You ridiculus dondderhed!111" Snoop yielded. He took off all of Drico's clothes. **(I once had a dream with Snoop Dogg being a pedophile) **Just as he was about to rape him...

"Crosio!" I shited pointing my wound. **(So...You sent the guys a message even though they were tied up as well. Then you took out your freaking wand, which you should've done from the very beginning! Only in Ebonyland can villains be so stupid to tie kids up so loose that they can still take out their wands) **Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming. **(Right now, I'm commenting and I begin to comment) **Meanwhile I grabed my blak mobile and sent a txt 2 Serious. **(which, again, you could've done earlier...or you could've sent your darling Serious a telepathetic massage) **I stopped doing crucio.

"You dunderhed!111 Im going to kill-" shooted Snape but suddenly Serverus **(Serverus is down. Please reconnect!) **came. **(Damn, you did type out that text kinda fast!)**

Snake put the whip behind his bak. "Oh hello Sev I wuz just teaching them sumthing." **(Double personality much? Whoa) **he lied. But suddenly Lusian and Profesor Trevolry came in2 da room and they and Serious unlocked the chains and put dem around Snap. **(Whew, I feel so relieved! After all the tension and anxiety...!) **Then Profesor Trevolry said 'Come on Ebony let's go." **(No "bich"? She must be genuinely deprzzzd)**


	31. Chapter 31

AN: I sed shut da fok up u quiephs!111 **(That last bit sounded like hieroglyphs to me) **stop kalin ebony a mary su **(well, she IS one so…Never!) **ok u dnot even no wutz gong **(I hate this girl and her obsession with freaking GONGS!) **2 happen ok so fuk u!1111 fangz 2 muh bff raven 4 di help!1111

"I always knew u were on Voldemort's side, you sun of a bitca (bufy rox!111).**(If we're at the point where we say random stuff…Darth Vader rocks! I feel much better now) **" Serious said 2 Snape. **(Sounds like Prisoner of Azkaban, lol!)**

"No I'm not I was teaching them somefing!1" Snap clamed. **(With a whip and while being naked? Obvious liar is obvious)**

"Oh fucking yeah?" I took some blak Volremortserum out of my poket and gave it to Serverus. **(I don't think Serious would enjoy being called Severus in real life) **He made Snap dirnk it. He did arngrily. **(who, Snap or Serious? Maybe it's Serverus) **Then Luscious **(oh yeah, he is kinda luscious…) **took out a tape recorder **(Note to self. Tara also has a camera/recorder fetish) **and started playing it while he did curses on Snap. **(You naughty boy!) **Then Proffesor Sinister **(she truly is sinister in this story) **and Lucian made us get out wif them while Snape told his secretes. **(They don't want the kids to know Snap's secrets? How mean of them! They're such posers) **Lucian took Vampure and Draco to the nurse after thanking me a millon times. **(Mary Sue level? It's over 9000!) **Profesor Trevolry took me to a dark room. Now I wuz going to go back in time to sedouce Volxemort. **(I pity him) **Moving posters of MCR and Nrivana were all over. Hermoine, Darkness and Willow came too. B'loody Mary gave me a blak bag from Tom Rid's store.

"Whatz in da bag?" I asked Profesor Trevolry. **(You should've asked B'loody Mary, she gave it to you! You mediocre dunce!)**

"U will c." she said. I opened thee bag. **(Oh noes, it's Volxemort again! Oh wait, it's just a misspelling of the unbelievably difficult word "the")** In it was a sexy tite low-smut black leather gothic dress. It had red korset stuff and there was a silt up da leg. **(just call it "slutty goffik outfit") **I put it on. My frendz helped me put on blak fishnetz **(She wants to go fishing on the Lake) **and blak pointy boots Willow had chosen. Willow and Darkness helped me put on black eyeliner and blod-red lipshtick. **(My mom also helped me dress up...when I was a kid)**

"You look fucking kawaii, bitch." B'loody Mary said. **("You look terrible", I corrected her wisely.)**

"Fangs." I said.

"Ok now you're going to go back in tim." **(Poor Tim) **said Proffesor Sinister. "U will have to do it in a few sessionz." **(You're such a sadist, TaEnoby!) **She gave me a blak gun. **(No anti-ammo regulations, Hogwarts?) **I put it in a strap on my fishnetz like in Redisnet Evill. Then she gave me a black time-tuner. "After an hour use da time torner to go back here." **(She'll be too busy putting Tim's thingie in her you-know-what to notice the passage of time) **Proffesor Trevolry said. Then she and B'loody Mary put a **(guillotine) **Pensive in front of me. Every1 went in front of it.

"Good luk!1" Everryone shooted. **(while cheesing your name...By the way, I'm eating spaghetti with gorgonzola!) **Darkess and Willow gave me deth's touch sin. Then... I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive. **(I imagine "You can leave your hat on" playing in the background...But that's kind of a preppy song)**

Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. **(All goth guys look sexy to you) **He was wering long blak hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. **(Reminds me of a blonde joke. **

**Blonde 1: What's the colour of your new car?**

**Blonde 2: Imagine the sunset. It's like that, only black.)**

He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung **(Louis Armstrong...What a wonderful world!) **and pale whit skin. **(I think skin is the only thing that's white on the main characters – except for those preppy posers Britney and Dumblydore)** He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was...Tom Bombodil!1111 **(I guess his Muggle name is a riddle to you, geddit)**


	32. Chapter 32

AN: I sed stup ff**ffffff**laming I no his nam iznt tom bodil dat wuz a mistak!1111** (Watch out flamers, we're dealing with a badass over here!)** if u dnot lik de story den u kan go skrew urself!11111 **(I'm gonna go get a screw and a screwdriver right now) **U SUK!111111

"Hi." I said flirtily. **(Times change, Enoby doesn't) **"Im Enoby Way da new student." I shok my pale handz wif their blak noil polish wif him. **(passively or sexily?)**

"Da name's Tom." he said. "But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam" **(Hmm...It kinda suits him, although it's a far cry from Marvolo)**

We shok hands. **(from all the shock!) **"Well come on we have 2 go upstairs." **(You just met her and you want to...Shoot me now) **Satan said. I followed him. "Hey Satan...do u happen to be a fan of Gren Day?" (sinz **( sin (z) = 1, lol geddit cuz it's trigonometry) **mcr and evinezenz dont exist yet den) I asked. **(I just did some research. Proves that Tara was right! Green Day was the only one of these 3 bands that actually existed in the 1980s.)**

"Oh my fuking god, how did u know?" Satan gasped. **(Because she is Eboby, who knows everything about everyone) **"actually I like gc a lot too."(geddit coz gc did that song I just wanna live that's ounded really 80s) **(Oh, on a sidenote - when I think of Voldie going to school in the 80s, I imagine him with a big afro and hippy clothes dancing on disco music)**

"omg me too!" I replied happily. **(For a Stanist, you use that expression with "God" kinda often)**

"guess what they have a concert in hogsment." satan whispered. **(Is that the place where they sell Volsemint?)**

"hogsment?" I asked.

"yeah that's what they used to call it in these time before it became Hogsmeade in 2000." **(Wait a second...How on earth does Volsemort know what happens 10 or 20 years later? *I hath telekinesis, you mediocre dunce!*) **he told me all sekrtivly. **(He told me all fsdjnasfdt-ily) **"and theres a really cool shop called Hot-"

- topic!" I finshed, happy again. **(Is this canon? Seriously, if Enoby is so happy, something must be wrong, but this story is wrong in itself, so it must be right..Ahh!)**

He froned confusedly. "noo its called Hot Ishoo." He smiled skrtvli again. "then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic." he moaned. **(Oh, baby, don't you know I suffer/Oh, baby, can you hear me moan? - I don't own the lyricz to dat)**

"ohh." now everything was making sense for me. **(O rly?) **"so is dumblydor your princepill?" **(A prince on pills...) **I shouted. **(The Dark...pardon me, Bark Lord is not deaf, you simpleton!)**

"uh-huh." he looked at his black nails. "im in slitherin'" **(geddit, cuz...uhm, he likes slitting his wrists?)**

"OMfG SHME TOO!" I SHRIEDKED. **(I read this in a very squeaky voice...Oh, the lulz!)**

"u go to this skull?"(geddit cos im goffik) he asked. **(She just told you she's the new student! I think you have Alzheimer's too, not just poor Dumbles!)**

"yah that's why im here im NEW." I SMELLED HAPPili. **(What, you've put weed on you so that everyone who smells you becomes happy?)**

Suddenly dumblydore flew in on his broomstuck and started shredding at us angrily. **(Ah, such violent actions!) **"NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!" **(Look who says it. Mr. Big-Mouth Dumbledore!) **he had short blonde hair **(o.o) **and was wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters. "STUPID GOFFS!" **(Go Dumbles go!)**

satan rolled his eyes. "his so mean to us goffs and punks just becose we're in slytherine and we're not preps." **(Dumblydore probably knows in his subconscious that they aren't respecting the dress code that used to exist...)**

I turned around angrily. "actually I fink mebe its becos ur da barke lord." **(Woof Woof! Watch out, spoilers!)**

"wtf?" he asked angrily.

"oh nuffin." I said sweetly. **(Master Manipulator Level 99999)**

then suddenlyn... the floor opened. **(And you crashed to death? Meh...)** "OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly."

"hey where r u goin?" satan asked as I fell. **(To a special place for people like her who destroy an amazing story)**

I got out of the hole n it was bak in the pensive in professor trevolry's classroom. dumblydum wuz dere. "dumblydore I think I just met u." I said.

"oh yeah I rememba that." dumblydor said, trying to be all goffik. **(How does that sentence make him goffik in any way?)**

sinister came in. "hey dis is my classroom wait wtf enoby what da hell r u doing?" **(Translation for the preps: Hey Enoby what are you doing here?)**

:"um." I looked at her. **(What a complex and interesting answer! Sure to clear things up)**

"oh yeaH I forgot bout that." **(About what? She just said "um")**

"wth how?" I screamed forgetting she was a teacher for a second. but shes a goff so its ok. **(I thought only sailors swore like that, not goffs)**

professor sinster looked sad. **(Prof. Sad looked sinister) **"um I was drinking voldemortserum." she started to cry black tears of depression. **(I just remembered. In my country there's a famous ballad which, among others, also depicts a funeral where women cry tears of blood. The teacher told us that it was because they were suffering so much they were stratching their cheeks and so tears mixed with blood. Yet another reason this fanfic is rated T.) **dumblydum didn't know about them.

"hey r u crying tears of blood?" he asked curiously, tuching a tear. **(I have a strange feeling he can also cry tears of blood. And I also think Tara is very pissed off that she can't cry tears of blood in real life)**

"fuck off!" we both said and dumblydum took his hand away. **(You're sooo persuasive)**

professor sinster started crying again in her chair, sobbing limpid tears. "omfg enoby...I think im addicted to Voldemortserum." **(She is addicted to something in canon, but it's not related to Volsemort at all)**

AN: SEE U FOKKING PREPZ GO FOK URSELXXZ DATZ SERUS ISSUZ 2O GO 2 HELL!1111112 **(As I said, you first. I would've said "ladies first", but I'm a girl too)**


	33. Chapter 33

**Remember that part where Enoby roared "Yeah!"? Right now, i'm listening to a slowed down version of Gunther's "Ding Dong Song". It sounds like "ROAR, you touch my tralala!" ****Really, it seems sung by a bear! I can barely contain my laughter!**

AN: I sed shut up itz nut my folt ok **(It's Raven's, I know. I understand)** if u don't lik da story den ur a prep so fuk u flamerz!1111 ps im nut updating ubtil **(Just stop updating, you'd save humanity) **u giv me fiv god reviewz **(I'm a poor human being. I'm not even close to being God's messenger) **nd diz tim I men it!111111 **(yeah right) **U SUK!1111 fangz raven 4 di help il promiz to help u wif ur story lolz1 **(another one? I'm gonna go cry in a corner)**

"Oh my fuking god!1" I shooted sadly. "Shud we get u 2 St Manga's, bitch?" **(I like manga! I mostly loved Moe Kare and Hana Yori Dango. That's why I'm learning Japanese - not like Enoby/Tara, who probably learns it 'cause it's kawaii)**

"Hel no!" she said. **(Good, manga is too awesome to be near you) **"Lizzen Egogy, **(You swear at the flamers for mistaking Enoby's name, yet you've spelled it yourself a bazillion ways) **I need ur help. Nex tim u go bak in tim, **(Go hide, Tim!) **do u fink u kod ask Tom Andorson **(Louie Anderson!) **4 sum help?"

"Sure I said sadly. I went outside the door. Draco was there!111 **(Draco is always there...*sigh* Now where's Dumblydore to make a random appearance?)** He wuz wearing a big **(you-know-what!) **blak GC tshit **(Enoby, you've made my mind dirty! And t-shit...Even that thing is personalized) **which wuz his panamas. **(Fact: Panamas are in fact hats which, surprisingly, are from Ecuador. Now you know you haven't read "A story for da real goffs" for nothing!)**

"Hey Sexxy." I said. **(Too sexy for my shirt, so sexy yeah)**

"How'd it go Enoby?" **("Okay", I answered sadly) **he asked in his voice was so sexy and low kinda like Gerard Way when hes talking. **(O rly? I though he had that voice when he's silent. Perhaps he's a ventriloquist, who knows?)**

**Lame author's note, kinda like Tara's: I'm listening to Sandra's song "Maria Magdalena". Amazing! Oh, the bass...**

"Fine." I reponded. We stared **(like I stare at your spelling...) **2 go bak in2 da dorm.

"How far did u go wif Satan?" **('Til the school door, probably.) **Drako asked jealously. **(Aww, poor Draco)**

"Not 2 far, lol." I borked. **(Is that a clue? Bork...Bark...Da Barke Lord!)**

"Will you hav to do it with him?" Draco asked angstily. **(Jealous, angsty AND bi Draco is jealous)**

"I hop not 2 far!111" I shouted angrily. Den I felt bad 4 shooting at him. I said sorry. We frenched. **(This girl's mood is best described by the graph of the function f(x)=sin x. For the math-haters out there, the graph is periodic. It repeats its values at the same pace. No variations.)**

"What happened 2 Snipe?" I growled. **(Now he's a sniper! Shit gets serious! Or better said, sirius.)**

"U will see." Draco giggled mistressly. **(He's got a mistress? Go kill her Enoby! Then kill yourself too if you're at this point) **He opened a door...Snap nd Lumpkin werz **(I'm a Grammar Nazi. Imagine how I'm dying in here) **there!11 Serious waz pokering **(Poke Ahontas) **dem by staging dem wif a blak nife. **(and it was obvious he WAS goffick)**

**AN: Even though I'm a Grammar Nazi, I enjoy most of this "story" as it is without being too bothered and take a good laugh at it. But the verb "to be" written like this kills me.**

"NOOOO PLZ!1111" Lumpkin **(Fuzzy Lumpkins...So now all we have left is some Powerpuff Girls, Mojo Jojo and the Professor) **bagged **(geddit, he wants to kill you and put you in a bag) **as Serious started 2 suk his blood. **(What has Azkaban made of you?) **I laffed statistically. **(Statistics confirm that in murder, torture and blood drinking cases, Enoby is 666% sure to laff) **I tok some photons **(An advanced physics aspect in here?) **of him and Snap bing torqued. (ok I no dis iz men but fink abot it ppl dey r pedoz **(Oh, look where Pedobear had been hiding) **nd Snap trid 2 rap dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak atak 3 lolz). **(Which has what in common with sadists and pedos?) **We took sum of Snipe's blod den Drako and I went bak 2 our roomz. **(Hmm...They're gonna make their homework. I'm pretty sure of that) **We sat on my goffik blak coffin. **(Hey, an alliteration! Goffik Coffin) **My cloves were kinda drity **(Drinking Snap's blood doesn't come cheap!) **so I pot on a blak leather outfit fingie **(A thingie? So many innuendos) **kinda like da 1 Suelene haz in Undreworld. (if u haven't herd of it den FUK U!111) . I put on some blak platform high heelz. Darko put on ▒desolition liverz' by MCR. **(You put on heels, Draco puts on music...What's missing from the landscape? Ah yes, the multi-talented cameraman, Vampire! No, not Snap and Lumpkin, they have the bad habit of masticating while filming) **Den...we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. **(What, no homework?) **I tok of his shit **(Enoby...why?) **nd he had a six-pak **(of beer)**, lolz. We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. **(I started to flame you like in the original My Immortal revoiws) **He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. **(Wait a second there. I may not be an expert, but...doesn't the "wetness" belong to the girl? Nevermind, once she mentioned a boy's thingy ina boy's thingy, so I bet the counterpart can exist as well) **I gut an orgy. **(It is kind of an orgy...)**

"Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111" I screemed passively **(You must sound so boring when you have sex, lol) **as he got an eructation. **(I can hardly abstain from bursting into laughter! My dad is in the room, he'd probably think I'm mad...Too many beans, Draco dearest? =)) )**

"I luv u Ta**(ra...Self-insert mega-fail)**Ebory." he whispred sexily and den we fel aspleep lol. **(Awesome way to end the scene.)**

**AN: Dunno if you realised, but somehow I managed to forget to insert a chapter. Yep, there was a missing one, even though I had it in the Document Manager. I fixed it right away!**


	34. Chapter 34

**We interrupt this fanfiction commentary for a special announcement:**

**"We're no strangers to love/ You know the rules and so do I/ A full commitment's what I'm thinking of/ You wouldn't get this from any other guy!**

**Never gonna give you up/Never gonna let you down/Never gonna run around and desert you/Never gonna make you cry/Never gonna say goodbye/Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you!"**

**Rick Rolled in a fanfic! If you don't know what a Rick Roll is, get outta here, poser!**

**Now back to making fun of Enoby and co.**

AN: SHOT DA FOK UP PREPZ!1111 hav u even red de story!11 **(What do you think I'm doing right now?)** u r proly al just prepz nd posrs so FUK U!111 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1

I wook up in da coffin de next day. Draco waz gone. **(good for him) **I got up and put on a **(*Let's play a love game, play a love game, do you want love or you want fame, are you in the game* See, I'm totally ignoring you!) **blak tight sexah drsss that was all ripped at da end. There wuz red korset stuff going up da fornt and da bak and it came up 2 my knees. There wuz a slit in da dress lik in mr & mr simth. I pot on ripped blak fishnets and blak stilton bo-ots. Suddenly... Sorious cocked on da door. **(With his...Oh dear...I can totally see Tara imagining that) **I hopened it.

"Hi Ibony." he said. "Gezz wut u have 2 cum 2 Profesor Sinistor's office." **("If we have to..." she said all sadly thinking that she'd better cum with Draco or Vampire and then invited "Sorious" on her black goffick bed)**

"Ok." I said in a deprezzd voice. **(See?) **I had wanted to fuk Draco **(I told you so) **or maybe lessen to MCR or Evonezcence. I came anyway.

"So what the fuck happened 2 Snipe and Loopin?" I asked Sorious flirtily. **(Does every single guy – except for the posers – have pheromones all over them or it's just Enoby's hormones?)**

"I fucking tortured them." he answered in a statistic way. **(I have a feeling you tortured Snap more) **"They r in Abkhazian now, lol." **(Phew! Good thing they're not in Azkaban. I love Snape, he's my favourite character of HP!)**

I laughed evilly. **(So kawaii)**

"Where r Draco and Vampira?" I muttered. **(I geddit – he's bi, so he has a feminine side as well, that's why you're calling him VampirA)**

"Dey are xcused form skool 2day." **(like the lucky bastards they are) **Sodomize **(I'm not protesting at all for this. There were few characters I truly hated, and the Marauders were some of them, if not the only ones. I'm allowing Enoby to name him whatever she wants) **moaned sexily. "Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas." **(What a wide selection of movies at Hogwarts...It must be the poser Dumblydore's fault)**

We went into da office. Proffesor Sinister was there. She was wearing a goffik blak dress that was all ripped all over it kinda lik da one Amy Lee wears in this pic **(Which is where?)**

She wuz drinking some Volximortserum. **(She has multiple addictions! Quickly, someone get her to St Manga's or St Mango's, whichever is closer!)**

She took out da Pensiv and the time-torner.

"Enoby, you will have to do anozzer session now. **(Let's hope you lose the time-turner) **Also I need u to get me da cure 4 being adikited." she said sadly. "Good luck. Fangz!"

And then...I jumped into the Prinsive again. Suddenly I looked around...I was in da Grate Hall eating Count Chorcula. It was mourning. **(Like I am mourning right now for the future of humanity) **I was sitting next to Satan. **(...in hell, for destroying our favourite novel) **On a table was a tall gottik man wif long blak hair, pail skin and blue eyes wering a suit and blak Cronvrese shoes. He looked just like Charlyn Manson. **(Marilyn Manson, with a bit of extra Charles Manson to add murder and torture) **I noticed...he was drinking a portent.

"Whose he!11" I asked.

"Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn." **(What an epic name for a teacher!) **Satan said. "He's da Portents teacher...Ebony?" **(Try reading "Portents" a bit differently. It suits Tara's characters...Wait a second, did she just get his subject right? He is teaching potions IRL)**

"Yah?" I asked.

"Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Hogsemade tonight? **(Deja-vu, anyone?) **And they r showing The Exercise at da movies b4 dat."

"Yah?" **(You're not excited about it? Ah wait, this is probably going to be a plain concert + movie...had it been with Draco and/or Vampire, it'd have also involved some action as well...*cough*)**

"Well...want 2 go 2 da contort and da movie wif me?" **(What is she gonna answer? I wonder...)**

**AN: During the break, when entering the class where we have Philosophy, a classmate asked "Now, where should I stay?". I instantly sung: "Which seat can I take?" Guess what, it was a Friday too!**


	35. Chapter 35

AN: fangz 2 suzi 4 da idea!1 **(There's another one of them!)** u rok! fuk of prepz!11111111 fangz 2 raven 4 di help **(with what? beating the world record for spelling mistakes?) **u rok gurl!1 **(Sounds like a...rocky relationship)** ps im gong 2 end da stroy rlly sun **(don't believe her) **so FUK U!111 oh yah nd if u no eny gofik namz plz tel me koz I ned 1 4 serius!1 **(I suggest "Sirius". It is appropriate, believe me)** fangz. **(Go to the Chamber of Secrets if you want one, the bazilisk is still there and has lots of fangz.)**

I went in2 da Conmen Room finking of Satan. **(Not Draco or Vampire? You never cease to amaze me) **Suddenly I gasped...**(insert irrelevant event here)** Draco wuz there!111 **(I guess I'd gasp too if I saw Tom Felton in person)**

I grasped. He locked as **Pizza **hut **(geddit) **as eva werring blak ledder pants, a blak Lonken Prak t-shrit and blak eyeliner.

"Draco what da fuk r u dong!111111" **(The Ding Dong Song) **I gosped.

"Huh?" he asked. Then I remembred. **(...that Draco wasn't supposed to be like that in canon) **It wuzn't Draco. It was Lucan!1 He stil had two arms. **(Oh, so he's a character with two arms...Who could it be?)**

"Oh hi Lucian!1" **(I think of Lucian from the Cramp Twins) **I sed. "Im Ebony the new student lol we shook handz."

"Yah Satan told me abot you." **(I think that even in hell Enoby would be the one to torture the devil) **Lusian said. He pinted to a groop of sexxx**xxxx**y gottik guyz. They where siting in a corner kutting. It wuz Serious, Vampire's dad and...Snap! **(It's the Marauders! And Snape, and no Lupin, and no Pettigrew...Mm, close enough) **All of them were wearing **(I know where this is going) **blak eyeliner and blak Good Chralootte band shirts. "Lizzen I'm in a goth band wif those guys." he said. "Were playing 2nite at da Marylin Mason show as back-up. **(As backup in case Marylin Mason is in fact Vlodemort again and the concert is left again without a singer)**

"ORLY." I ESKED. **(NO WAI!)**

"Yeah." he said. "Were calld XBlakXTearX. **(How do you pronounce that?) **I play teh gutter. Spartacus **(This...is...Spartacus!) **plays da drums" he said ponting to him. "Snap plays the boss. **(R-O-F-L! Like a boss!)** And Jamez plays the guitar to even fo we call him Samaro, after Samara in da ring."

"Hey bastards." **(That's the male equivalent of "Bye bich" for the prep posers who don't geddit) **I told them they gave me Dethz tuch sin. Suddenly I gasped again. **(I don't think this is sudden at all. You keep gasping throughout the whole thing) **"But don't u have a lead singer!" I asked. **(Does this mean...Enoby is...And they will...) **Lucian looked dawn sadly.

"We uzd to but she did. **(I love these kinds of sentences) **She contempted suicide by silting her rists." **(I see Enoby in this image)**

"Oh my fuking god!11 Datz so fuking sad!1" I gasped.

"Its okay but we need a new led snigger." Samaro said. **(Oh, I get the idea! Lead is a heavy metal, geddit? Whoa, that was subtle!)**

"Wel...I said Im in a bnad myself."

"Rilly?" asked Snap. I cudnt belive it. He used 2 b goffik!111 **(When, in canon?)**

"Yeah were called Blody Gothik Rose 666. Do u wanna hr me sing?" **(NO)**

Yeah said everyone. **(You kidding me?) **So the guys tok out der guitarz. They began to pay a song bi (geddit koz bi guyz r sooo sexah!11) Gurn Day. **(Such clever puns!)**

"I wok dis empt stret on da bolevrad of broken **(Not borken?) **dremz." I sang sexily (I dnot own da lyrikz 2 dat song).. Every1 gasped. **(They had never listened to such a poor performance!)**

"Enopby? **(Her name will gradually become Ekfgkjdohgikdoy)** Will u join da band? Plz!1" begged Lucian, Samoro, Serious and Snap. **(I can't keep a straight face while reading these names!)**

"Um...ok." I shrugged. "Are we gong **(The fetish has returned, I see) **to play tonight?"

"Yah." they said.

"Ok." I said but I new dat I had 2 get a new outfit. **(*rolls eyes* Obviously) **I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in time. Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz...Morty Mcfli!1 **(I had no idea who this guy was before reading MI. So, well...I guess there are positive aspects of doing this, besides having a good laugh!) **He was wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans.

"What da hell r u dong here!11" I asked.

"I wil help u go frowad in tim Enoby." **(I pity this Tim guy) **he said siriusly **(oh, for the love of...) **Den...he took out a blak tim machine. I went in2 it and...sudenly I wuz forward in tim!111


	36. Chapter 36

AN: I sed stop flaming ok!111111111 I bet u r al proly old srevinty yr oldz!111 **(As opposed to what, being a 5-year-old in terms of grammar? I'd prefer to be 70. I remember a joke from Kids from Room 402, by the way. Nancy (who was just a kid) was praising an item that would make her look younger. To that, a classmate replied: What, you wanna look like a 3-year-old?) **ps PORTERSUZ UR A PREP!1 **(Prep Pride Day, let's celebrate it!) **o ya nd fangz 2 raven 4 di help!111 hav fun in englond gurl!11111 **(Perhaps she'll get a sexy British accent too after this)**

I loked around in a depresed way. Suddenly I saw Profesor Sinister. **(who further fueled your depression) **B"lody Mary, Socrates and Draco, Vampire and Willow were their to. **(for no apparent reason at all)**

"OMFG Sorius I saw u nd Samaro and Snip nd everyone!11111 **(This is some mad alliteration!) **I kant beleev Snap uzd 2 b goffik!111111" **(I can't believe he's so OOC...)**

"Yah I no." Serious said sadly.

"Oh hey there bitch." **(So much truth in a single sentence...) **Profesor Trevolry said in an emo voice dirnking some Volxemortserom.

Hi fuker." I said. "Lizzen, Satan asked me out to a gottik cornet and a movie so I need a sexah new outfit for da date. Also I"m playng in a gothic band so I need an ootfit for that too."

"Oh my satan!1" (geddit lolz koz shes gofik) **(FFFUU-) **gasped B"lody Mary. "Want 2 go to Hot Topik to shop 4 ur outfit?"

"OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11" said Profesor Trevolry. **(I suggest the rehab instead)**

"I can"t fucking wait 4 dat but we need 2 get sum stuff first." said Willow. 

"Yah we need sum portions for Profesor Trevolry so she wont be adikted 2 Volxemortserum anymore nd also...sum luv potion 4 Enoby." Darko said resultantly. **(As a resultant of the two vectors...Yeah, I'm *forever alone*)**

"Well we have potions klass now." Willow said so let"s go.

We went sexily to Potionz class. **(I imagine them marching on that Joe Cocker song, "You can leave your hat on") **But Snap wasn"t there. Instead there was...Cornelio Fuck!11111 **(Oh shi-)**

"Hey where the fuck is Dumblydore!111" Draco shouted angrily. **(I'll wash your mouth with soap, young man!)**

"STFU!1" shooted Cornelia Fuck. **(Sh-, now they can switch genders!) **"He is in Azkhabian now wif Snip and Loopin he is old and week **(as opposed to being young and year, I guess) **he has kancer. **(Oh, and don't forget about the Alzheimer's!) **"Now do ur work!111"

My friendz and I talked arngrily.

"Can you BELEVE Snap used to be gottik!1" Vampire asked surprisedly.

"DATZ IT!11" CORNELIO FUK SHOOTED ARNGRILY. "IM GETTING PROFESOR BRIDGE!111" **(Golden Gate Bridge, lol)**

He stomped out angrily.

Mi frendz and I began talking again. **angrily **I began to drink **angrily **some blod mixed wif beer. Suddenly I saw Hargrid in da cupboard. **(Must be a huge cupboard...Oh wait, that's HaRgrid, the little Hogwarts student)**

"WTF is he doing?" I asked. Then I looked at Draco. He wuz wearing tonz of eyeliner nd he locked shexier den eva. Suddenly..."HARGRIF WUT DA FOK R U DOING!11" he shooted. **(I'm virtually dying of laughter in here! I think this girl is already traveling in time, or tim, as she'd call it)**

I looked around...Hairgrid wuz putting sumfing in my glass of blod!11 Darko and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily. **(With their...?)**

"God **(I thought you were...nevermind) **u r such a posr!1" I shooted at Hairgrid. Suddenly I looked ar what he was putting in da blood. It was...Amnesia Portion!111 **(Come on now, Hargrid, a plain Avada Kedavra would've been enough. No need for all that bother!)**


	37. Chapter 37

AN: OK EVRYBODY IM GONG ON VOCATION ON DA FRIST OF JULY SO IM EEDER GONNA END DA FIK **(please do this, please do this...*crosses fingers*) **OR UPDAT IT IN WEEX. **(that sounds good as well) **fangz!1 oh yah nd prepz stop flaming sa story!11 raven fangz 4 da help c ya gurl afta vocation!11 **(Your vocation? Well, it's definitely not writing)**

DARKO'S PONT OF VIEW LOL **(Wow, this time she actually mentions it!)**

Vampire and I chaind Hairgrid 2 da floor. **(sexily)**

"Oh mi fucking satan!11" Enoby said. She wuz so hot. **(The only way I'd ever see Enoby as hot is if she were put in an oven) **"Maybe I cud uze Amnesia potion 2 make Satan foll in love wif me faster!1" **(and forget he's da Barke Lord)**

"But u r so sexy and wonderful aneway Tata," **(tata means "the father" in my language) **said Vampire. "Why would u need it?"

"To make everyfing go faster lol." said Enoby. **(Use a catalyst, bich)**

"But you wont have to do it wif him or anyfing, will u?" I asked jelosly. **(Even if it happens, it'd probably be him who gets scarred for life. She'd enjoy it)**

"OMFG u guyz r so scary!11" said Britney, a fucking prep. 

"Shut the fuk up!1" said Willow.

"Ok well anyway lets go 2 Profesor Trevolry's room."

Draco, Ebory **(Eboring) **and I went to Profesor Siniater's room. **(Double personality fail) **But Profesor Sinister wasn't there. Instead Tom Rid was.

Oh hi fuckers he said. Lizzen, I got u sum kewl new clovez. **(I hope they're garlic cloves. BTW, be a kewl goff and read "Cooking with Enoby", my latest one-shot, if you haven't done so!)**

I took out da cloves from da bag. It was a goffik blak leather miniskirt that said ▒666' on da bak, black stilton bootz, blood red fishnetz and a blak corset.

"OMG fangz!" I said hugging him in a gothic way. I took da clothes in da bag.

"OK Profesor Sinister isnt hr what the fuk should we do?" asked Draco. Suddenly he loked at a sign on da blak wall.

"Oh my fuking satan!1" I screamed as I read it. On it said Evry1 Profesor Sinister is away. She is too gottik she is in Azkhabian now. Classes shal be taught by Dubledork **(Dumbledore. Shrinking his name since the beginning of MI) **who is bak but he shall not be principal 4 now. **(So Double-dork is preppy enough to be released, huh? Double-dork...wait a minute, isn't this what Kevin used to call Double D in Ed, Edd 'n Eddy?) **Sincerely Profesor Rumbridge. **(Rum Bridge - fixed)**

"OMFG!111" I shoted arngrily. "How could they do that!11"

Suddenly Dumblydore came.

"WHAT DA HELL R U DONG **(MOTHERFUKERS!) **IN MY OFICE!1" he began to shoot angrily. Sudwenly I saw Morty Mcfly's blak tim machine!111 I jumped seductivly in2 it leaving Draco and Vampire. Sudenly I wuz back in tim!11 I looked around. It was...Profesor Slutborn's efface! I sneaked around. Suddenly I saw da Amnesia potion on his desk. It wuz blak wif blood-red pentagramz in it. It was the shape of a cross. **(Cross and pentagram in the same paragraph? Ok, who divided by zero?) **I put it in my poket. Suddenly da door opened it wuz...Profesor Slutgorn!11

OMG wut r u doing fuker he shooted angrily I don't kno wut da fuk r u DOING I SHOUTED ANGRILY. **(o.O)**

"Oh sorry I wuz just looking around koz I thought it wuz class." you **(You? Who's "you"?) **said finally hoping he couldn't c da potion in ur pocket.

"Oh ok u can go now." said Profesor Slutborn. **(I just love these teachers!)**

You went to the conmen room after putting on my clothes. Silas, **(?)**Samaro and Snap were there practicing Vampirez will Never Hurt U by MCR. **(If the Vampire is the fairy Edward Cullen, I bet he can't hurt you)**

"Oh hi you guys." I said seductively. "Wheres Satan?" **(in hell, where Enoby will go at some point)**

"Oh he's cumming." **(bahaha! That's why I love MI)** said Serious. **(in a sirius way) **"BTW u can kall me Hades now." **(Oh, I see you found a goffick name for him after all) **Suddenly Satan came. He was wearing a smexxy **(Thought only Vampire was allowed to be "smexxy") **blak leather Jackson, blak congres shoes, a Slipnot t-shirt and a blak tie.

"Ok I will see you guyz at da concert." I said and then I went with Satan.


	38. Chapter 38

AN: wut doez every1 fink if I **(start spell MI correctly?) **end da strory and den I add sum more 2 it after vocation? **(Then it means you haven't ended it at all...I'm tinting at windmills) **oh yah asnd **(Kill me. In this very instant) **prepz stup flaming if u dnot lik dat story den take muh quiz ok den u wil c if ur gofik or not!1111111 **(If you don't like our comments, den take an English class. Then you will c if you're good at storywriting or not. Not that we wouldn't know the answer already...*coughs* By the way, our English teacher told us she'll give us our term paper results tomorrow! I can't wait!)**

Satan and I walked 2 **(hell) **his car. It wuz a blak car wif pentagrams all over it. **(I wonder how they differentiate between cars) **On da license plate said 666 just lik Draco's car. **(Just as I said before...) **I went in it seduktivly. **(Let's see, another horny song...Marvin Gaye - Sexual Healing, anyone?) **Stan started 2 drive it. We talked about Satanism (lolz he wuz named after Satan), **(O RLY? Didn't see that coming) **kuttting, musik and being goffik. **(There's not a lot to say on that topic. Must've been a pretty short conversation...)**

"Oh my satan, Gerard is so fuking hot!11" Volxemort agreed as we smoked sum weed. **(Look what weed does to you, kids! They should really put quotes from MI on ads against drugs. Or ads for English classes) **(koz bi guyz r hot dey r so sensitive **(unlike those tough-skinned preps) **I luv dem lol goez fux a bi guy)

"Lol, I totally decided not 2 comit suicide when I herd Hilena." I said in a flirty voice. **(U sure? I think you've slit your wrists a million times since the beginning of this fanfic alone) **"...Hey Satan do u know da cure 4 when ppl r adikted 2 Volxemortseruem?" **(Yeah, drink Dumblydoreserum, it's preppy enough to work)**

"Well..." he thought. "I fink u have 2 drink Vampire blod." **(Oh, so there is no cure, I knew it!)**

Suddenly Volxemort parked da car behind a blak movie theater. **(Seriously, everything is black in here. How do they see anything? They got infrared glasses or what?) **Satan and I walked outside. We went in2 da movie tether were they were showing da Excercist. In it a boy and a gurl were doing it sudenly a cereal killer **(Don't you dare destroy the cereal, you assassin! Otherwise, what would Rebecca Black sing about?)** came lol. Satan and I laughed at da blood koz we're sadists. **(I hope Crookshanks scratches you to death. Both of you)**

While Satan was watching da movie, I had an idea. I took Satan's gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigar sexily **(Yeah, with one hand you were stealing it, with the other one you were...Oh dear God, what am I thinking?)** from his poket and put sum Amnesia potion in it. I put it bak in his blak Emile the Strange bag. Satan turned arund and started 2 smoke it. **(Smoking is my pet peeve. I hate it to death. But right now it makes me laugh) **Blak cloudz wif red pentagramz ind em started 2 fly around everywhere.

"OMG!111" Satan said jumping up. I gasped koz I wuz afraid hed notizd. **(You already hinted that he's the Bark Lord, so I wouldn't be surprised if he actually knew what was going on long before you even thought of it) **"Enoby gess what?" **(What? I snapped.)**

I new **(I old)** that the amnesia had worked.

"Amnesia potion has not been invented yet so it will not work." **(*headdesk*) **He said. "2 badd coz I wanted 2 use sum on u." **(So the potion hasn't been invented, but you still thought of it...I hate you, Vlodemort or whoever this poser impersonating Voldie is)**

"Kul." **(Kawaii sounds more like you) **I raised my eye suggestingly. **(I half-expected "statistically") **And den... **(WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU...Oh wait, wrong chapter) **he tok of my cloves sexily **(so you're garlic) **and we started 2 make out. I tok of his shit. **(Oh my...) **He had six-pak justr lik Gerard Way!11 **(What six-pack, of beer?) **We frenched. **(Omelette du fromage!)**

"Xcuze me but u r going 2 have 2 leave!111" shooted da lady behind us **(what a prep!) **she was a prep. **(Told you!)**

"Fuk u!11" I said. Suddenly... I attaked her suking all her blood. **(mwahahaha!)**

"Noooooo!11" she screamed. **(Yeah! I roared) **All the preps in da theater screamed but everyone else crapped **(in their pants since they saw some scary vampires attacking a lady) **koz Satan and I loked so cute 2gether. **(Cute...Yeah, sure) **Satan and I started to walk outside. **(A walk - the best way to relax after scaring a whole theater to death)**

"Zomg how did u do that?" Voldremort asked in a turned-on voice.

"I'm a vampire." I said as we went into the car. **(Don't trust her, she's just a poser. Remember when she mentioned "this is real vampire blood" or something?)**

"Siriusly?" he gasped. **(That's my line! You mediocre thief!)**

"Yah siriusly." **(Sirius is rolling in his grave right now. And I hate him) **I said drinking sum beer. Satan started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily. **(with your goffick lipstick, yeah, you already told us that)**

"Itz too bad we didn't get 2 c da rest of the movie, don't u fink?" **(Nope, not at all)**

"Yah." I said as we kised passively. Satan parked in a blak driveway next 2 da place where Draco and I had watched GC for the frist time. **(Oh, I have a bad feeling about this) **We went inside where Marylin Mason wuz playing and started to mosh lol.

"Anti-ppl now uve gone 2 far Jeus Krist Superstar!1111" screamed Marlin on da stage. We did the devil fingers. **(No idea what this means, but it's probably bad) **I started 2 dance really close to Satan. He was so shmexay!1 He looked at me all emo with his gothic red eyes and he looked exactly like Mikey Way. I almost got an orga**n**ism!1 **(censored to protect the minor audience. Although, well, I was a minor until about a month ago...)** Suddenly Marylin Mason stopped singing. **(He was Volxemort? Please tell me!)**

"I wood like to peasant **(pheasant!) **...XBlakXTearX!11" he said. **(Again, how do you pronounce that?)** I ran onstage. **(Probably sexily. Not sure though) **Lucian, Samaro, Snap and Hades were there. They started 2 play their instilments. I got onstag. **(You were already on the stage. Oh wait, if you separate the last word..."I got on stag" - Hey, wasn't James Potter's Patronus a stag?)**

"Wel if u wonted honesty datz all u had 2 say!1111" I sang. (I dnot own da lyerix 2 dat song) My voice sounded lik a pentagram betwen Amy Lee and a gurl version of Gerard Woy. Everyone clappd. **(If you're goffik and you know it, clap your hands!) **Satan got an eructation. **(which shows how much he liked it) **"I'M NUT OKAY!1" I sang finaly. Suddenly Lucian started playing da song wrong by mistak.

"OMFG!1" yielded James. "Wut the fuck?"

"Woops im sory!" said Lucian. **(Wait until Draco's father finds about this...Oh wait)**

"You fuking ashhole!1" James shouted angrily.

"U guys are such prepz!11" Snap said. "Cum on it wuz a mistake!1" **(Snape is defending others...I miss my old Sev)**

"Yah itz not his fault!11" said Serious.

"No he ruined the fucking song!1" yelled Samaro. **(Meanwhile, the people at the concert are just staring at the whole fight, wondering what they spent their money on)**

"U guys stop!11" I shotoed angrily but it waz 2 late. They all began 2 fight. Sudenly Samaro took out hiz nife.

"OMFG no!11" shouted Lucan but it wuz 2 late James tried 2 shoot off his arm.

And den...I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11 **(Theme song - Amor Amor by Cristiana Raduta - it's a Romanian song. Its chorus is something like: "You wanna touch me/You wanna hear hot whispers/You wanna have me". I agree, dirty song, but has a killer instrumental. Google it if you feel like it)**

"No!111" yielded everyone but it wuz 2 late suddenly everyfing went blak. **(What's so unusual about this?)**


	39. Chapter 39

**Ok, so here's the hacker's chapter. Too bad there isn't too much goffickness in it.**

Disclaimer: I do not own the HP series **(and the lyrics to the song)** and I am not the real XXXbloodyrists666XXX. **(that remains to be seen)**

AN/ I am an extremely immature pathetic idiot girl, I know. **(Sounds like Tara, if you ask me) **Out of boredom, I crack this girl's passy for fun (and it took less than 8 minutes to do it too) **(Given the limited range of the author's vocabulary, I bet it was...By the way, did you know 8 is the lucky number in the Chinese culture?) **and will probably get in a shitload of trouble. Which I probably deserve 'cause I'm being a troll right now. Meh.

And I present to you MY crappy part in this story. (And take note I haven't even finished reading this fic yet, but instead skip over to skim chapter 38.) Flame, laugh, do whatever you want "preps." **(I'll just comment, thanks.)**

I, the American retail wearing british **(She's American. She once said she was going on "vocation" in England) **vampire Sue, coughed up blood. **(OMFG NOOO! She has cancer!)**

Satan kneeled down beside me. **(and gave me deth tuch sin)**

"Noooooooooooooooo! Don't die!" **(Yeahh, die!)**

I gave him a rueful smile. **(Not sexy? Or sad?) **"I'm sorry. It's something I had to do, to fufill my duty as the noble gothic Mary Sue." **(There's a single misspelling in this whole sentence! And her name is EGOGY nut Mary Sue, ok?)**

Satan sobbed. **(You mediocre dunce! Where are the tearz of blood?)** "I love you Ebony."

"I love you two. I'll...I'll see you in hell." I mumbled, already finding my surroundings fading to black. **(Point-of-view-change? She's back! In black, lol...)**

B'loody Mary Smith suddenly popped into the room for no apparent reason. **(You can't appear in Hog...Oh wait) **She frowned when she realized the room was oddly quiet, but at the sight of Ebony's lifeless body, she screamed. Her face became pale **(not that it wouldn't already be) **with horror. She screamed for the healers, Dumbledore, Mcgoogle, **(Everyone likes Google) **and every single gothic person she could think of. **(But wait, Dumblydore is a PREP! Everyone knows that!)**

Suddenly, a glow started to surround the body of Ebony. **(This reminds me of a scene in X-Men Evolution, it happened to Jean Grey, from what I remember. She was a prep anyways, I preferred Rogue. Now back to MI) **Everyone stared in shock. Her body started to lift ever so slowly and then, to everyone's shock, it started to incinerate. **(Oh sh-, it's the Phoenix bird, she'll reborn from her own ashes! It's a neverending story)**

When everyone realized what was happening, they rushed over to try to **(throw her ashes in the ocean) **rescue the body, but it was too late, the Sue became nothing more then a pile of ashes. **(She'll come back...)**

A loud resounding of everyone bellowing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!" **(I am your father! *evil laugh*)** filled the room.

A flash of white light from the ashes then started to bounce around the room. **(It just got real! o.O) **Everyone cowered in fear and were temporarily blinded. When it was all over, things changed. **(Me Gusta)**

All the silly goth clothes dropped from everyone's bodies (AN/I will refuse to explain how the hell that happened.) **(Again, so Tara-like)** and, in their place, clothes the characters would normally wear in canon appeared on their bodies. **(I like this too)**

When everyone got over the shock of becoming free of the gofick power, everybody cheered. **(I expected "cheesed" - Tara, what have you done to my brain!) **Everyone started singing 'Ding dong the sue is dead...' Well, that is, until all the HP characters realized the true implications of becoming more canon like again. **(Yeah, Harry, I understand that you're a horny simpleton and you want Enoby back, but you gotta fight Voldie now. It's nowhere near as exciting but...)**

All the characters who were supposed to be dead fell to the floor, their bodies cold and lifeless. **(Phew! I hate zombies) **Harry and Voldemort started dueling. **(Woohoo!) **On the left side of the two, the battle of the Light Side and the Dark Side were reaching a climax. **(Why do I imagine the light and dark side of the Force instead? *shakes head*)**

And, because the replacement author also likes to screw around with canon, Draco and Hermione fled the scene and got married. **(Yay!)**

Meanwhile...

Down in hell, Ebony shed a single tear **of blood** because of her current situation. A situation that would live on for all eternity. Or at least until the end of fanfiction time. **(never!)**

She lost it all, but she knew she had to remain strong. Nothing would ever break her down.

She looked down over her pale body, and frowned. 'Where are my emo clothes?' **(Please, she's a Goff! Emos are just posers! How dare you!) **She asked herself in confusion.

And then it occured to her...

For her shirt, she was wearing a **(Ohoho...This gets all the more interesting!)** bright pink polo with a little seagull on the (right or left? I can't remember) side. Below that, she was wearing a denim miniskirt with the "destroyed" look on it. Paired underneath that skirt were leggings with a little moose at the bottom. **(You should've put a unicorn, would've been a nice touch to all the preppiness) **And then Ebony realized, on her shoulder, she was carrying a pretty bag with an eagle on it that said Live Your Life written all over the bag.

Ebony supressed the urge to scream. **(When does she suppress anything?) **Here she was decked out in clothes prep to the extreme wearing stuff from Abercrombie and Fitch, **(Why not "Norris and Filch"?) **American Eagle, AND Hollister.

Panicked, Ebony hastily tried to take off the Hollister polo, but underneath it, there was another Hollister polo underneath. **(I see what you did there...Repost!) **Ebony frowned, and looked under her shirt. All she saw was a bra underneath (dare I point out it's from the Aerie line available at American Eagle?). Ebony tried to remove the shirt again. But to her frustration, there was yet again another polo to replace it.

"THIS IS UNLOGICAL AND DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE!" Ebony bellowed out to the air. She failed to see the irony in her statement, **(yeah right...)** how hypocrytical her words were, seeing as she was practically calling the kettle black here.

Ebony slit her writs and mumbled to herself, "Omigod." **(It's either OMFG or Oh My Stan! You never learn anything, prep poser!)**


	40. Chapter 40

AN: stfu prepz git a lif!111111 **(Git a grammar book) **U SUCK!11 oh and form now on il be in vocation in englind **(again?)** until lik august so I wont be able 2 update 4 a while, lolz. **(Phew! Let's hope we can keep our sanity till then) **fangz 2 evry1 hu revoiwed expect da prepz hu flamed FOK U!1 MCR RULEZ 666!111 **(Numerical hints again! Why not pi squared, it'd be such a beautiful number)**

I woke up in da Norse's **(So that's why you have all these Icelandic words) **offace on a special gothik coffin. **(What's so special about it? Draco and Vampire as decorations? Britney the prep's head?)** Hairgrid wuz in da bed opposite me in a comma **(let me guess, the others were in dots?) **coz Vampir and Draco had bet him up. Mr. Noris was cleaning the room. **(I'd expect a cat to clean its fur first)**

"Oh mi satan wut happened!" I screamed. **(I know what happened, you're in the most terrible fanfic in the history of fanfics) **Suddenly Volxemort came. He loked less mean then usual.

"Get the fuk out u fucking bastard!11" I yielded. **(But...he is so less mean! You forgave Draco when his eyes revealed "so much sorrow and evilness")**

"Thou hath nut killd Vampire yet!11" he said arngrily. Sudenly he started 2 cry tearz of blood al selective. **(Selective? Probably alternating the left and right eyes from which he cries)**

"Volxemort? OMFG what's wrong!111" I asked. **(This whole thing is...*rolls eyes*)**

Sudenly... Lucian, Profesor Sinister and Serious **(This fanfic is supposed to be serious, but it's sinister, geddit) **came! B'lody Mary and Vampire were wif dem. Every1 was holding blak boxez. **(Is it your birthday?) **VOLXEMORT DISAPAERD. **(Phew!)**

"OMFG Enoby ur alive!111" Scremed Vampire. I hugged him and B'lody Mary. **(Only hugs...? Really, where's the Enoby I know?)**

"What the fuk happened?" I asked dem. "Oh my satan!11 Am I lik dead now?" I gosped. **(Nope, it'd be too good to be true)**

"Enoby u were almost shot!11" said Serious. "But da ballet could not kill u since u **(are goffick and hate ballet?) **were form anodder time." **(*whistles* Man, such a plot twist...)**

"But fangz anyway!1" said Lucian holding oot **(Honestly, what is oot? Oh wait, "out"...) **his arm. I gasped. He had two arms! **(No wai! I thought he had at least 10-11 of them)**

"OMG I cant beleve Vampirz' dad shot u!1" I gasped. **(hahaha! I knew he was evil!)**

"Well 2 be honest Snap wuz pozzesd by Snap bak den." **(Damn...I feel possessed by myself too right now!) **said James.

"Yah he wuz a spy." Serious said sadly. "He wuz really a Death Dealer." **(Spoiler alert!)**

"And he wuz such a fuking poser 2!11" **(Come to think of it, he did pose as a Death Deeler to protect Harry) **said Lucian. "He didn't even realy no hu **(Oh dear...*sobs*) **GC were until I told him." **(Well, he's a wizard, why would he want to know about a muggle band anyways?) **Well anyway everyone tarted 2 give me presents. **(Let's hope one of them is poison) **I was opening a blak box wif red 666s **(I love the originality) **(there wuz a dvd of corps bride in it) on it when I gasped. **(Well, that happens all the time) **Mr. Noris looked up angrily coz he h8ed gothz. **(he/she hates everyone except for Filch)**

"Hey haz aneone fuking seen Draco?" I asked gothikally.

"No Draco told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax." **(This is madness! Hoes of...Wait a minute, is it a movie starring Enoby?) **said Profesor Trevolry. "He duzzn't know dat ur better. **(luckily for him) **Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum on!1" **(That's what she said!)**

I got up suicidally. **(to throw yourself off a building?) **Lucian, Serious and Profesor Sinister left. I wuz wearing a blak leather nightgun. **(I see Volxemort's influence)** Under that I had on a sexxy blak leather bra trimed wif blak lace, with a matching thong that said goffik gurl on the butt and sexy fishnetz that kind hooked on 2 my thong (if u don't get da idea massage me ill tell u). **(I'm not massaging you even for a trillion bucks) **I put on a blak fishnet top under a blak MCR t-shirt, a blak leather mini with blak lace and congress shoes. I left the hospital's wings **(on a dragon's wings! Canon HP win!) **wif B'lody Mary, Willow and Vampire.

"OMFG letz celebrate!11" gasped Willow.

"We can go c Hose of Wax wif Draco!1" giggled Vampire. **(Yeah, I bet you do...)**

"Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 666!11" said Hermoine. **(I weep for the future of humanity) **We opened da conmen room door sexily. And den...I gasped... Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap!1111111111111111111111111 **(Oh my God!...What a huge number!) **He wuz wearing a blak tshirt wif 666 on da front and baggy jeanz. **(Oh, so he's doing it with someone else, yet the very next thing you notice is how he's dressed)**

"U fucking prep!11" we all yielded angrily. **(Imagine a gothic chorus)**

"Yah u betrayed us!111" shooted Vampire angrily as he took out his blak gun.

"No u don't understand!1" screamed Draco sadly as he took his thingie out of Snake's. **(Wait a...Thingie in...thingie? How...but what? Why...? and...How can it...)**

"No shit **(Sherlock!) **u fuking suk u preppy bastard!111" said Willow trying 2 attak him (u rok girl!1). I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out. **(Give it to me, I'll have my mom cook it! Yummy)**

"Enoby no!11111" screamed Draco but it wuz 2 l8 I had slit muh ritsts wif it suddenly everyfing went blak again. **(Oh, so everything is fine)**


	41. Chapter 41

AN: 2 every1 hu kepz flaming diz **(I know where this is going...) **GIT S LIF! I bet u proly odnt no hu gerod way is **(Truth be told, I didn't. I don't listen to goffick bands, except for Evanescence) **ur proly al prepz and pozers!11111 **(Poser pride!) **neway sum1 hakked in2 mi akkount in November and **(the fanfiction world will build him/her a statue) **dey put up my last chaptah but now der is a new 1. **(Here's a reason to believe Tara herself was a hacker: Why didn't she just delete the hacker's chapter? She can add new ones, so I'm relatively sure she also knows where the Delete option is) **im surry 4 nut updating g 4 a while but ive been rilly bizzy. **(This sentence makes me dizzy) **im trying 2 finish da story b4 da new movie kumz out. Im gong on vacation 4 a mons I wont be bak until abott 2 weeks. OMFG drako iz so hot in all da pix 4 da new movie!111 **(The only point where our interests intersect) **I wunted dem 2 put a kameo by geord way **(Don't tell me...she contacted the producers of HP and told them...*ponders for a few seconds* Tara, give me the phone number!)** lol he hsud play drako. **(And replace Tom Felton? Oh no, never) **if u flame ill slit muh risztz!11 **(If we don't you'll still do it) **raven u rok gurl hav fun in ingland.

When I wook up I wuz in a strange room. **(I make a wild guess and say it's not black)** I loked **(and I loled) **around I wuz wearing da same outfit **(You finally admit it!) **I had when is performed wif XBlakXTearX!11 I looked arund confusedly. It wuz da Norse's office but it looked difrent! On da wall wuz a pik of Marlyin Munzon!1111 (just imagin dat he is an 80s goffik band **(Wait a minute there...How can Marilyn Manson be a freaking BAND? He's a unique person!) **2 ok koz he is more old den panic? at da dizcko or mcr) der wuz also a goffik blak Beatles **(Commenter's note: I'm one of the few people who don't like the Beatles. Not that I hate their music, it just doesn't appeal to me. But what in Merlin's name do they have to do with all the goffikness?) **calander **(...salamander) **with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and blak cloves. **(garlic cloves to get rid of you, vampires) **On it said '1980.'

"OMFG! Im back in Tim again!111" I screamed loudly. **(Such a bad mental image!)** Suddenly Satan(dis is actually voldimort 4 photo refrenss!). **(Yet another pseudo-proof that Tara is a troll. The intended language is very elevated, yet the spelling is terrible. I met something similar in "Imma Wizerd") **Voldimort wuz wearing a blak leather **(Michael?) **Jackson, blak tight jeans and fishnet pantz. He looked so sexah I almost had an orgy!11 **(Ah, but you always have orgies with Draco and Vampire!)**

"OMFG Enoby r u ok." He asked gothikally.

"Yah Im okay 4 ur in4mation." I snapped sexily. **(Our English teacher kept reminds us at some point that we should use as many adverbs as possible, because that's the way the British speak. If she ever says that again, I'm gonna quote from MI) **"OMG am I dedd?" **(Let's hope you are) **koz I remembered I had jumped in front off da bullet from Jame's gun. I also rememberd cing Drako doing it wif Snap!111 **(You seem to have a fondness for bad memories!)**

I guessed dat when I had slit mi wrists I had went bak in tim instead of dieing. I knoew I could go forward in time **(You kinda enjoy going back and forward in this Tim...Oh dear, what did I just write?) **if I found a time-toner or da tim machine.

"No ur not dead." Satan reassured suicidally as he smokd a cigarette sexily **(Whoever thinks smoking is sexy should be shot for the sake of humanity.) **and smoke came all over his face. "Ur a vampire so u kant die frum a bullet. Cum on now lets go c how Hairy **(Hairy Potter!) **'s dad is doing." **(Hold on there...in canon Voldemort killed Harry's dad! Why does he care about...oh nevermind)**

I noo dat da real reason I didn't die from da ballet was koz I was from da future. "WTF! James almust shot Luciious!" I said indigoally. **(Yeah, I prefer luscious Lucius to James a bazillion times) **I knew that James had really ben possezzed, but I didn't want him2 know I knew. **(I know you know I know, Enoby, but you must know...)**

"Yah I know but he had a headache he wz under a lot of stress." Satan reasoned evilly.

"I guess that's ok." I said because James hadn't really shot Lucian. Also I noo that Lucian wood **(Woody the Woodpecker) **now have 2 arms instead of 1. I walked seduktivly outside with Satan. Suddeni I saw a totally sexi goffik bi guy!11 **(Let's see who this is...Oh wait, I remember. Quit reading now, the worst part comes now!) **He had bleched blond hair wiv blak streaks up 2 his ears and he wuz wearing goffik blak iliner, a blak Green Day shirt (it showed billy joel wiv bolnd hair since it was da eighties), blak congress shoes and black baggy pants. He walked in all sexly like Gerrd way in the vido for I Don't 3 u lyk I did yesterday and you cud see a blak tear on his face lyk da wmn in dat video. **(Is it done already?) **"Hey." He sed all qwietly and goffically.

"Who da fuck is that?" I asked angrly cos I did nut kno him.

"Dis is...Hedwig!11" **(Told ya! How on earth does Enoby remember Hedwig's name, but not the fact that it's freaking OWL! Not to mention she also switched genders, Hedwig is a female owl) **Sed Volximort. "He used to be in XBlackXTearX 2 but he had 2 dropp out koz he broke his arm.

"Hey Hedwig." I said seductively evn tho I wuz nut tring to b. **(really? you weren't? I'd be surprised)**

"Lol hi Enoby." **(Why do all the goffik guys say "LOL" aka laughing out loud? Beats me) **He answered but then he ran away bcos he had hair of magical creature. **(It's Hair of Magical Magic Creatures, you simpleton!) **He was humming Welcum 2 da Blak Prade under his breth( I no dat is not 80s but pretend it is ok!) **(Nope)**

"Bye." I sed all sexily.

"Dat was Hedwig. He used 2 b my boifreind but we broke up." Satan said sadly, luking at his blak nails.

"OMFG I can get u bak 2gether!" I said fingering **(oh dear, the innuendos) **something I didn't know wuz in my pocket- a blak Kute is What we Aim 4 cideo ipod that I could take videos wif (duz ne1 elze no about dem? dey kik azz!). **(Does no one else in this story know about a grammar book?)**

"Ok u can 4get about ur class for now, Hedwig. Im going 2 show u something grate!1" **(The Grate Hall?) **I led them to da Great Hall. **(Told ya!)**"Cum on u guys."

Lucian, James, Serious and Snake were all in da Grate Hall. Lucian woudnt talk wiv James because he had tried 2 shoot him. **(Good, Luscious!)**

"Go fuk urself you fukking douche!" he shouted at him. "Drako is never gong 2 b frends with vampire now!1" **(they were more than friends a while ago...)**

"Yah go fuck urself Samaro!" Snape agreed but I noo he wuz lying koz it had been his folt James had almost shot Lucian.

"B quiet u guys." I said sexily. Mi plan waz working oot great. Now I kood make Voldement good wivout doing it with him! Now Vampire's dad wood never die and **(and what?) **"OK Satan and Hedwig, u guys can start making out." **(She kinda likes these things, doesn't she? Master Puppeteer) **I said and I started 2 film dem wiv da ipod.

"Kool." said Serious as Voldemort and Hedwig started 2 make out sexily. We watched as tdey started 2 take each odderz cloves off sexily. Samaro, Serious, Snake and Lucian all watched koz dey wer prolly bi. I noo Snape was bi. **(My childhood is ruined)**

"Oh my fukking god! Voldimort! Voldimort!" screamed Hedwig as his glock touched Voldemort's. **(Oh dear God)**

But suddenly everything stopped as da door opend and in kame...Dumblydore and Mr. Norris!111111111111 **(C...Chuck Norris? Everyone, run for your lives!)**


	42. Chapter 42

I just read an awesome commentary on MI; one of the best lines in there was after Snape said "What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!". The guy/girl commented with: _Haha, I'm officially answering all my phone calls with that phrase now"_. That kinda inspired me and I think I'm gonna write another one-shot based on MI (besides Cooking with Enoby) based on how ringtones would sound if they were "performed" by the fanfic's characters.

Oh, and sorry for the delay...I love doing this commentary, but this chapter is way too long and I got bored. And school begins this Monday...

AN: omg da new book iz kumming out rlly soon I kant wait!1111. **(What for? Are you going to read it...?) **I fink dat snap will be really the same person as Volximort koz dey are both haff-blood so dat will explain y he kild dumblydore **(Wait a second there...How on earth does she know Snap or whatever killed Dumblydore (aka he's dead) but she still keeps him alive in the seventh year? Something is rotten in MI - and it's not Dumblydore's lung black bread) **and he hated hairy!1111 nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!111 **(Quickly, get her to Abkhazian, she knows too much!) **omg I hope draco nd harry get 2getha dat will be so shmexxy, wont it? **(Nope, and before you ask, J.K. Rowling is no homophone!)** If dey don't den JKR is hamophobic!111111 **(Am I getting psychic or something? o.o)** fangz 4 da help wiv facts, medusa u rok!111 **(Oh dear, she saw Medusa? So now she's a stone...and then who's writing this? I knew Raven was behind this all the time!)**

I sat depressedly in Dumbledork's **(Did you just call Dumbles a dork?) **office wiv Hedwig, Satan, James, Serious, Snap and Lucian. **(yeah, basically everyone in the story)** Dumbledore was sitting in front of us cruelly. **(haha, he's SO mean!)** He looked more young den he did in da future. **(Care to share the anti-aging formula?) **He had taken da ipod away and wuz now lizzening 2 a shitty Avril Levine song. **(Dumbles listening to...I have no proof MI is either a geniune or a troll fic, but anyways I'm dying of laughter in here!)**

"What da hell is this anyway?" he cackled meanly. I hoped he didn't find out dat I was frum another time. **(No worries, you'll probably spill it out yourself soon enough)**

"Whatever u do don't blame Ibony, u jerk." Satan said. **(Damn, even the most evil guy loves you! *shakes head*)**

"Yah, siriusly **(I'm sick of this. Sirius is dead, get over it!) **she was trying to get Satan and Hedwig back together." **(o.O So, what if Voldy did not want to kill Harry to become immortal, but to get his pet owl? After all, Nagini isn't half as furry as Hedwig...) **Serious said deviantly.

"Be quiet you Satanists." Dumbledore cockled. "If ur lucky I'll probably send u all to Akazaban! **(And if they're unlucky, you'll send them to a My Little Pony theme park?) **That will teach u to copolate in da Great Hall." **(How come she knows the word (well, approximately), yet says "thingy" and "you-know-what"?) **He changed the song on da ipod 2 a n'Sync song. **(Here's a Justin Timberlake fan!)** Suddenly I noticed sumfing strong about da Ipod. It was slowly chonging! Dumblydore didn't notece.

**Me: But he's the principal, he must have distributive attention!**

**Tara: HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY!**

"You fucking poser." I muttoned. **(Since I know French, the first thing that came to my mind when noticing this word was "mouton" aka sheep.)**

"I bet you've never herd of GC." James said. Know I knew waht da iPod was chonging in2- Morti McFly's tim machine!11 **(You're gonna go forward in Tim again? The teachers are right - too many R-rated movies filmed in Hogwarts)**

"Shut up Jomes!" Drako's dad shouted.

"Yeah shut up!" Snake said preppily. **(At least she got some enemies right)**

"No u shut up Dumblydore!1111" said Tom. **(I can actually imagine Voldy saying that to Dumbledore during a duel)**

"I've had enough of u Satanists in my school!" shouted Dumbledore spuriously.

Suddenly I grabed da iPod from him. "Evry1! Jump in b4 itz 2 l8! **(I should give myself an award. I understood all that text language) **I jumped in2 it. But only 1 odder person **(You're right, he is kinda odd for my preppy tastes)** jumpd in. It was...Satan.

"You dunderheads!1111111111" screamed Dumbledore wisely as we went. **(That's what she said!)**

I looked around. I wuz in da Slitherin conmen room wiv Satan. **(Hmm, what can possibly happen here? A room, two horny simpletons...I know, it's homework!)** I was wearing a blak plaid miniskirt with hot pink fishnetz, a sexy blak MCR corset **(you have a very wrong definition of sexy, girl) **and blak stiletto boots with pink pentagroms on dem. My earrings were blake **(Amy Winehouse's former boyfriend? Or husband...) **Satanist sins **(good choice of words!) **and my raven hair **(And when she'll argue with Raven again, she'll say she has TARA hair) **was all around me to my mid-black. **(mid-wha...why do I even bother?)**

"Hey kool where iz dis?" he asked in an emo voice. **(Hell. Fanfiction hell. Go away)**

"Dis is da future. Dumbeldore's iPod dat he tried to take away from me wuz really also a tim machine." I told him.

"Kool what's an ipatch?" he whimpered.

"It's somefing u use 2 lizzen 2 music." I yakked. **(Now I have no idea what this means. Yak...isn't that an animal from Tibet?)**

"OMFG kool wait whatz a 4-letter-wurd 4 dirt?" **(...Dirt.)** he esked in his sexah voice.

"Um I guezz sand?" I laid confuesdly. **(Sand? Really? *epic facepalm*)**

"Yah I wuz just triinyg to make sure u were stil da same perzon." He triumphently giggled. **(By submitting her to an intelligence test? You failed.)**

Suddenly some of my friends walked in. **sexily**

"OMG you're fucking alive!" **(No, she's fucking Vampire and Draco. But if this "Alive" guy is goffick enough, who knows?) **said Ginny wearing a blak leather jocket, blak baggy pants and a goffik black Frum First to Last shirt. I explained 2 her why I was alive.

"Konichiwa, bitch." said Willow. She was wearing a blak corset showing off her boobs with lace all around it and red stipes on it. With it she waz wearing a blak leather miniskirt, big blak boots, white foundation, blak eyeliner, red eyeshadow, and blak lipstick. **(Why don't they just pour a canister of black dye (geddit, cuz I'm not goffick and I'm spelling it properly) all over themselves?)**

"Hey, motherfucker." **(Someone has been spending too much time with Dumblydore) **Said Diabolo with his red hair. **(Is it just me, or did I spot something in-character? Ron is red-haired! There is still hope.) **He waz wearing a black P?ATD t-shit and blak baggy pants. **(I gasp.)**

"Hey whose **(aaaargh, I'm dying in here!) **that, Ibony?" B'loody Mary questioned as she walked in wearing a black t-shit **(Oh my...) **with a red pentarom **(Why not pentathlon?)** on it with lace at the bottom, red letther pants with blak lace, and black stolettoes.

"Oh its Satan." I told her and she nodded knowing da truth. **(...but she knew too much!)**

Suddenly Satan started to cry. **(I bet he did, since you're around.)**

"Are you okay Satan?" we asked concernedly. **(Make a wild guess.)**

"OMFG ur from da future!1! What if u don't like m anymore koz were from difrent times?" he asked. **(Damn, Enoby's so evil she makes the devil cry!)**

"No I still like you." I said sexily to him. **(Obviously.)**

"Ok." He said ressuredly. I let him lizzen 2 Teenagers by MCR on my ipod while I was about to go outside to find out some fingz. I gave Diabolo a signal to keep Satan occupied. Satan fell asleep. I took the iPod. I was about to walk outside. Profesor Sinister ran in!1111 **(one-one-one-one-...) **She was wearing a gothic blak minidress with depressing blak stripes, white and blak stripped tights, and red converse shoes. She was wearing LOTS of blak iliner. **(Reminds me of this joke: What's written on Steve Jobs' grave? iDied.)**

"Oh my fucking god, where's Draco!111 How did Snap get back here! I tohot he wuz in Azerbaijan." I asked sadly.

"Ebony I was so worried abott u but I know you can't fucking die because you're a vrompire. Snape came back because that girl Britney freed him. **(Man, those preps sure have a lot of influence) **I never liked her she was a bad student." **(And you're a good student...?) **Trevolry said reassuredly. **(Preps are bad, goffs are good. Get over it.)**

"That bitch!11 Did she also free Hargrid and Loopin?" I shouted angrily. I hated Britney because she was a fucking prep. **(I know, I know...)**

"Yes they are on the loose at this school. **(ANARCHY IN HOGWARTS! WOO! Sorry for the caps, I really wanted to say that) **Dumblydore is back Cornelia **(Cornelia Fuck and Professor Slutborn are the best names in this fanfic!) **is on his way to help evry1. Tell evry1 u see to lock themselves in their conman room!" Trevolry said worriedly.

"OK. But where's Dracko? How cum he was doing it with Snap?" **(What does the teacher have to do with the students' private lives?)**

"I dunno why but I know he almost tried 2 commit suicide after he saw u almost kill urself." she said. **("Almost" is a good word there. She can't die!)**

"OMG dat's terrible!" I gasped. Satan was still asleep, so he couldn't tell what was going on. **(good for him) **Then I said "Lizzen evry1, I have sumthing imptent **(Insert an "o" into this word...Oh dear...) **to do. in hr evry1 stay!" wiv dat I ran out.

"Good luck Tara!11" everyone cried. **(Mary Freaking Sue)**

I ran sexily down the staris in2 da Grate Hall while da portraits around looked at me scaredly. There was hardly ne1 else in the stairs nd tere was an atmosphere of horrer. **(Quite similar to the final battle in HP7) **On da way I saw Britney laughing on da stairs. **(Ah, so much evilness) **She was wearing a a slutty pink shirt wiv flowers on it, a blu jean skirt Abercromie and pink stiletoos. She looked jest like a pentagram of those fucking preps Hilery Duff and Lindsey Lohan. **(Sorry to contradict ya, girl, but I don't see Hilary Duff as a slut. Meh, nevermind)**

"You fucking bitch!111" I shouted angrily.

"No, your totally a bitch. **(True story, bro) **Now Voldemort will like totally kill u!" she laughed. **(mwahahaha!)**

"Crucious!1" I shouted selectively pontificating **(Pontificating? o.O That's a long shot from "pointing"...) **my blak wand and she started screaming koz she was being tortured **(Captain Obvious strikes again) **and I laughed sodistically. **(Good job)**

"No!1 Help me!1 Please!1" Britney screamed terrifiedly.

I put up my middle finger at her. **(for a finishing touch) **In her hand I saw da video camera **(only at this point? Didn't you look at her all this time?) **Snape **(Is it true? It's...spelled correctly. Wow) **and Lumpin had used to take da video of me. I put the tape of Voldimort doing it with Hedwigg onto it. **(From bad to worse) **Then I continued to rown down the stairs with the camera. When I had reached da Grate Hall I saw Vampire Potter. "OMG Vampira!111" I yielded. **(I have a bad feeling about this)**

We hugged each udder happily. He locked at me wif his gothic red eyes **(which revealed so much depressing, blah blah blah, I know) **and spiky blak hair. Around them were blak eyeliner and iShadow. **(I'm sick of the Apple jokes right now) **His He wus wearing a blak leather Jackson, ledder pants, a Panik at da Disko concert shirt and his blak congress shoes. He looked mor like Joel from Good Charlote than ever. (did u hear der song da river it rox!1) **(Did you see a grammar book? It rocks too!)**"I wus so worried you died!" moaned Vampire. **(I wasn't. And by the way, isn't it clear already that she can't die? ...I guess not.)**

"I know but Im a vampire lol. **(Good to know) **When I woke up I wuz back in 1980, so neway I bought Voldimort from when he was yung with me." **("Cause you are young, you will always be so strong!" That was C.C. Catch for the posers who don't know 80's music)**

"Where's Draco?" I asked spuriously. **(That's a new one. Wait a minute. This adverb exists! No, not in Enoby's goffick mind, in reality! Definition: in a false and spurious manner - which lacks authenticity or validity. Enoby, you never cease to amaze me)**

"Draco? You mean that fukking poser who betroyed you?" Vampir snarkled with anger in his sexy voice. **(Oho, I see some fighting approaching)**

"I NO BUT WE HAV 2 FIND HIM." I SED SMARTY. **(Whoa, what's with the caps lock?)**

"I'll do it den." Harry said angstily. **("Persuasive techniques", by Enoby Nut Mary Su Way, only available for da real goffs. Preps beware!)**

"OK." I argreed. Suddenly...all da lights in da room went out. And den...da Dork Mark appeared. **(Yoo-hoo!)**

"Oh my fucking satan!" Harry shouted.

"I fink Voldimort has arrivd." I sed anxiously. "Fuck, I have to find Draco!1 I guess we shood separate."

"Ok." Vampire sed diapperating. Sadly I ran into the Great Hall. **(Voldie appears, everyone is running...Deja-vu, anyone?)**

**AN: My Immortal has corrupted me. Whenever I read "It was..." in a story I automatically say "Dumbledore". When I hear or see the word "gothic" (gah, it took me 3 or 4 times to spell it right) I giggle. When I see the adjective "enoby"...guess what I'm thinking of. Oh dear...**


	43. Chapter 43

**I found a super-awesome meme where you have to randomly list 12 characters and there're some questions related to the numbers they belong to. Hilarity ensues. I've decided to do one with M.I. characters. My favourite Q&A was this:**

**16.) What might Snap's last words or actions be before death?**  
><strong>Do you still masticate, after all this time?  Always...**

AN: I fink after dis I wil hav abott 2 or three mor chapterz. **(Phew, I'll have more time for my other fanfics) **Fangz 2 all muh revyooers not das flamers **(That's better, who would want fangs anyway?) **if u flamed sis **(You got a sister?) **story den u suk!111111 if u flam den fukk u!111 **(I love numbers, I think Enoby knows that)**

I walked sexily into the Great Hall. **(I have a scaringly bad mental image right now)** It was empty except for one person. **(you?)** Draco was there! **(It just got real!) **He sat der in deddly bloom in his blak 666 t-shirt **(Imagine Draco wearing 666 t-shirts...666 being the number of items, I mean. Man, Dumbles must turn on the heat a little, students are freezing!) **and his baggy blak pants. He had slit his wrists!111 I felt mad at him for having sexwith Snape **(I'm mad at Snape for doing this, too. I understand your pain) **but I felt sorry for him. **(O RLY?) **He looked just like Gerard Way with his red eyes and his pale white face. **(Last time I checked, Mr. Way - or any other human being, for that matter - doesn't have red eyes. But it might just be my preppy imagination.)**

"Draco are you okay?" I asked.**(Make a wild guess)**

"I'm not okay." he screamed depressedly. **(Imo noto okayo!) **I thought of the MCR song nd I got even more depressed **(I think of this story and I instantly become depressed) **koz that song always makes me cry. **(The only song that can make me cry is Marc Anthony's "When I dream at night". You have no idea how emotional it is...I'm gonna go cry in a corner) **I gave him a pot cigarette and he started to smoke it. **(Bad kids!)**

"Oh Draco why did you do it with that fucking bastard Snape?" I asked teardully.

"I-" Draco began to say but suddenly Lupin and Mr. Norris appearated in2 da room! **(Oh noes, Loopin has a new masticating partner! Oh noes again, she spelled it right!) **They didn't see us. **(Such a relief!)**

"Im so glad we me and Snape were freed." said Loopin. **(From Azerbaijan or what?)**

"Dam, this job would be great if it wasn't 4 da fukking students!" Mr. Norris argreed. **(That's actshelly in character for Filch - I guess that's whom she's talking about)**

"Pop addelum!111" I yielded angrily pointing my wand at them. **(I'm curious to see what this spell does)**

"Noooooooo!1" **(OMFG NO!) **Lupin shouted as chains came on him. **(I sense some S&M in the near future) **Mr. Norris ran away. **(meow!)**

"You fukking perv." I said laughing wiv depths of evil and depressedness in my voice. **(Whoa...that's hardcore!) ** "Now u have 2 tell us where Voldimort is or I'm gong 2 torture u!" **(He's in da past, screwing Hedwig. He's so sexah)**

"I don't now where he is!1111" said Loopin. **(You don't have any!)** Suddenly Satan and Vampire ran in2 da room. **(My favourite characters...*rolls eyes*) **Vampir didn't know who Satan was really. **(good for him)**

"Oh my satan, we were so worried about u guys!1" Vampire said. **(I can only imagine Daniel Radcliffe saying that...) **I looked sexily at Draco with his goffik red eyes with contacts, blak t-shirt that said 666 on it and pale skin like Gerord Way, **(blah blah blah, we know the story already) **Vampir with his sexy blak hair and red eyes just like Frank Iero **(New guys around here?) **and Satan who looked jist like Brandan Urie then.

I selectively took the caramel **(sweet, mmm) **from my pocket. And then... I began frenching Draco sexily. **(Sandra Brown writes better scenes than you. On a sidenote, just read one of her novels. The action is quite good, but the sex scenes are...I needed a ton of brain bleach afterwards.)** Loopin gasped. **(Yeah, teach him a lesson!) **Draco began to take all of his cloves off **(Is Draco made of garlic?) **and I could see his white sex-pack. **(Mother of God...) **Then Vampire took his own clotes off too. **(Unfortunately, I know where this is going) **We all began making out 2gther sexily. **("Sexily" is the key word)** I took off my blak leather bra, my blak lace thong and the rest of my clothes. **(Finally, you abbreviated those epic descriptions with "the rest of") **Every1 took their glocks out except 4 me im a girl lol. **(So, you don't have a boy's thingy anymore? See previous chapters if you're a poser and you already forgot) **"Oh mi satan! Draco!" I screamed as he put his hardness in my thingy **(Wow, wow, hold on a second...How...but when...I don't even...) **Den he did da same fing to Harry. **(*facepalm*) **I began making out wiv Satan and he joined in. **(Horny simpletons, rejoice!) **"OMS!111" cried Vampire. "Oh Vampire! Vampire!" I screamed screamed. **(double scream, so epic!) **"Oh Satan!" yelled Harry in pleasore. Loopin watched in shock. **(A moment of normality!) **Wee took turns doing torture curses on him koz we were all sadists. **(I know) **Suddenly...**(WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU - oh wait, wrong chapter)**

...a big blak car that said 666 on the license plate flew strait through da windows. 

**ME: Is it a bird? Is it a plane?**

**Enoby: OMFG, NO, r u a posr or sumfing? W8 and youll se!  
><strong>

And Snap wuz in it!11 **(Major Gasp!)**

**AN: Also, sorry for the delay. I'm a poser and I accept that.  
><strong>


	44. Chapter 44

AN: well I hav noffing 2 say **(did you ever have anything to say in the first place?)** but evrt1 stup glamming ok!**(I'll stop after this chapter, I assure you. Well, that's maybe because this _is _the last one, but anyways...) **111 if any gofik ppl r reading dis den u rok!11 **(good to know.)** omg I stil kant wait 4 da movie!1 **(What movie? HP? Well I'm pretty sure you haven't watched any of them, so why wait for the 7th?) **tom fleton **(Tom...who?) **is so hot lol **(ah, true dat) **i hop harry wil bekum gofik **(OMFG NOOO!) **koz mi frend told me he iz rlly emo in dis book!1111 **(Raven told you that? I told you not to trust her...) **omfg im leeving dubya pretty soon kant wait! Diz wil prolly be da last chaptah until I kum bak. **(Which, as of now, is still never, since you haven't come back.)**

"Dat's mi car!" shooted Draco angrily. **(Oh damn, so much angst and depression!)** But suddenly it was revealied who was in da car. **(It was...)** It wuz...Snape! **(Is he Snap's goffick brother? Nope, just a misspelling. Captain Obvious out.)**

"I shall free you Loopin **(You shall not pass!) **but first you must help me kill these idiotic donderheads." **(How can Loopin help him if he's bound to the chains?) ** he said cruelly from the car as it flew circumamcizing **(Wait, what?) **above us. "Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way must be killed. Den the **(fanfiction world will return to normal) **Dork Lord shall never die!" **(You just called Volximort a dork? Oh boy)**

"You fucking prep!" yelled Draco. Then he loked at me sadly. **(*insert super-sad depressive goffick music here*) **"I forgot to tell u, Ebony. **(I'm a prep and I hate you! Mwhahaha!) **Snape made me do it with him.**(How the actual...How does ANYONE forget to tell their girlfriend/boyfriend they've been raped? I don't even...)** I didn't really have sexx him but he's a ropeist!" **(A rope fetish! This story gets weirder and weirder.)**

We all put our clothes on quickly except Satan. **(Either he doesn't need clothes, or he's way too lazy) **We were so scarred!1 **(YOU DON'T HAVE ANY! Diabolo changed the scars into pentagrams, you forgetful preps!)** But Satan didn't change. Instead he changed into a man with gren eyes, no nose, a gray robe and white skin. **(Who could it be? No nose...oh noes!) **He had changed into... Voldemont!111 **(Mont Volde - As high as Voldy's nose, lol)**

"I knew who thou were all along." **(I wouldn't be surprised, with all the hints Enoby kept giving him. At least there's one smart character here)** he cackled evilly **(So hardcore!) **and sarcastically **(Double hardcore!)** at me. "Now I shall kill thee all!" **(Go Voldie!) **Thunder came in da room. **(Dun dun dun dun!)**

"No plz don't kill us!" **(omg wtf lol kthxbai) **pleaded Vampire. Suddenly Willow, B'loody Mary, Diabolo, Ginny, Drocula, Fred and Gorge, Hargrid, McGonagall, Dumblydore, Serious and Lucian all ran in. **(Where's Samaro? I can't believe I actually noticed someone missing)**

"What is da meaning of dis?" **(What is the meaning of life?...*sigh*) **Dumblydore asked all angrily and Voldimort lookd away (bcos dumblydore is da only whizard he is scared of.) **(Le Gasp!) **He did a spell and suddenly his broomstick came to him sexily. **(I can only imagine...*chuckle*) **Volxemort flew above the roof evilly on his broomstik. **(That's SO evil of him!)**

"Oh my goth!" **(now that's a new one!) **Slugborn **(I love that name! Still not as cool as "Slutborn" though) **gosped. (geddit kos im goffik)

"The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!" **(If they're dead, how on earth do they "submit" to him or whatever that verb means?)** Snape ejaculated menacingly. **(The horny simpletons must've liked that sentence)**

"You fucking preppy fags!" Serious shouted angrily. **(Why so sirius?)**

"I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!" **(I half-expected another four-letter word from Vampire...It begins with f, guess what it is) **screamed Harry but da sparks from his wand only hit Draco's car. It fell down Snap quickly crowled out of it and picked up the cideo camera. **(Not his wand, but his camera...No, not _that _wand, the real one!)**

"Oh my fucking god!1" I cried becoze the video of me in da bathrum, the video of me dong it wif Drako and the video of Satan doing it with **(whom? Like I care.)**

"If you kill me then deze cideos will be shown to everyone in the skull. **(What's the purpose, everyone knows how horny she is!) **Then u can be just like that goffik girl Paris Hillton." **(I don't always call people goffick, but when I do, they're not goffik.) **He laughed meanly.

"No!" I scremed. "FYI I hav da picter of u doing it with Loopin!11" **(Ah, that'll definitely make him give up the blackmail. You're sooo smart, Enoby.)**

"Whats she talking abott?" Lupin slurped as he sat in chains. **(What amazes me is how come she remembered he was in chains up to this point)**

"I saw 2 she's gunna show evry1 da picter!111" Harry shouted angrily. **(You tell'em, Harry!)**

"Shut up!111'" Lumpkin roared. **(becuase that'll surely make them shut up.)**

"Foolish ignoramuses!" yielded Voldemort from his broomstick. "Thou shall all dye soon." **(This reminds me of a scene in "The Clone", a Brazilian movie, in which Moroccan inhabitants were dyeing clothes)**

"Think again you fucking muggle poser!1" **(I love his power of persuasion...) **Harry yelled and then he and Diablo and Navel **(and basically everyone) **both took out blak guns! But Voldimort took out his own one. **(Although he can perform wandless magic, he still chooses guns. My guess is that Voldie is trying to be a gentleman and use the same weapons as his opponents.)**

"U guyz are in a Latin stand-of!111" **(What the ... is that?) **I shouted despariedrly.

"Acco Nevel's wand!11" cried Voldrimort nd suddenly Nevil's wind was in his hands. **(Why is...But...What...I don't even...) **"Now I shall kill thee all and Evony u will die!11111" **(JUST DO IT, VOLDIE! I'm sick of waiting for you to kill those goffick mediocre dunces!)**

He maid lighting come all over da place. **(Manipulating forces of nature...Storm-wannabe?)**

"Save us Ebony!" Dumbledark cried. **(Because obviously Enoby is a way (geddit, lik gerard way) better witch that Dumblydum/Dumblekins/whatever.)**

I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco **(and lizzen to evinezens and screw everyone and be a Mary Sue and ... )** but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent. **(*cough* *cough*)**

"ABRA KEDABRA!11111" I shooted.

**What an amazing ending, wasn't it? So...it is finally over. Good...**

**Next, I think I'm gonna take on another fanfic to comment. It'll be either Imma Wizerd or Forbidden Fruit: the tempation of Edward Cullen or Twila, da girl who was in luv with a vampyre. *mimicks Rebecca Black voice* _Which one can I take?_**

**Thanks a lot to all da goffick ppl who revoiwed and added da stroy to faves/stroy alret. U rok! Otherwise, u stone (Lame pun inspired by Enoby). The lulz will never end!**


End file.
